Lesser Known, but No Less Beloved Wedding Traditions

Most couples in the process of planning their wedding ceremonies become familiar with the “Big Three” wedding traditions: The Unity Candle, the Handfasting, and the Blending of the Sands. Each of these is a unique, elegant wedding ritual that can make your ceremony more colorful, more inclusive and a lot more fun. There’s absolutely no down-side to using any (or all!) of these beautiful traditions in your wedding, and Forever, Together is proud, and pleased to offer these wonderful wedding traditions (as well as the ones below) at no extra charge!

However, the world is full of different countries and different cultures, each with their own special version of the marriage ceremony. Over the next couple of posts, I’d like to describe some of the lesser known (in the United States, at least), but no less exotic and interesting marriage rituals you might consider adding to your wedding ceremony.

The Marriage Vessel and the Rose

The Marriage Vessel and the Rose ceremony may be used as an alternative to the Unity Candle, especially for outdoor weddings. You will need a table for the vessel and the rose. Filling the vessel with water is only necessary if you use the second version. The Officiant begins by explaining the significance of the ceremony.

(The Officiant says): (Groom) and (Bride) have chosen to share two gifts, the Marriage Vessel and the Rose, to symbolize their ever-growing life-long commitment to each other.

The spiritual roots of the Marriage Vessel and the Rose grow out of an understanding of God as the Potter, or Creator of life (holding up the vessel), and God as the Gardener, or Sustainer of life (holding up the rose).

The vessel of clay, lovingly shaped by the Potter, is a symbol of love’s strength and endurance. The miracle of the vessel is that it not only protects, but is enriched by that which it holds, the rose. Like-wise, the rose, born of the tiniest of seeds, symbolizes the beauty and potential of growing in love throughout life together. Both the vessel and the rose are individually unique, yet when combined, they create an object of even greater beauty.

(The Groom presents the rose to the Bride and says): (Bride), this rose represents the beauty I see in you. / I thank you for the person you are / and the person I am becoming / because of your love for me.

(The Bride presents the vessel to the Groom and says): (Groom), this vessel represents the strength I see in you. / I thank you for the love and care you have given me, / and for all we will share together in this life.

(The Bride then places the rose in the vessel; they hold it together and the Bride and Groom say): As our gifts bring beauty and purpose to each other, / may our lives continue to enrich and strengthen one another.

(The Officiant says): (Groom) and (Bride), as you share each passing day, and as your days become years, remember this tradition you have created. On each wedding anniversary, place one additional rose in the marriage vessel to symbolize your ever-growing love for one another. May The Marriage Vessel and the Rose always be a symbol of the beauty and strength you bring to each other’s lives.

(The Officiant says): Just as (Groom) and (Bride) gave each other rings as symbols of their love and commitment to one another, they also would like to present [each of] you with a gift as a symbol of their love and commitment to you. The Family Medallion is made up of three intertwining circles, two of which symbolize the union of this man and woman in marriage. The third circle represents the joining of children to this union, making it complete as we celebrate the new family created here today.

(The Bride and Groom present the children with the Family Medallion, and give each child a hug and a kiss.)

The Unity Cup

Two separate goblets are filled with wine. Before the couple is pronounced husband and wife, the Officiant pours one-half of the wine from each goblet into a separate cup, the Unity Cup, from which each sips.

(The Officiant says): This glass of wine is known as the Unity Cup, or Kiddush Cup, and is symbolic of the Cup of Life. As you share this cup of wine, you share all that the future may bring. The half-filled goblets are a reminder of your individuality; the single cup marks your new life together. As you share the wine from a single cup, so may you, under God’s guidance, share contentment, peace, and fulfillment from your own Cup of Life.

May you find life’s joys heightened, its bitterness sweetened, and each of its moments hallowed by true companionship and love.

(The Officiant holds up the Unity Cup and may then say this prayer): Blessed are Thou, 0 Lord our God, Creator of the fruit of the vine.

(The Groom takes a sip of wine first, then offers the cup to the Bride.)

Breaking of the Glass

The Breaking of the Glass is a Jewish tradition, but lately appearing in more and more non-Jewish and Interfaith ceremonies. It has many meanings. One is as a symbol of the destruction of the Temple in Jerusalem, a representation of the fragility of relationships, and a reminder that marriage changes the lives of individuals forever.

After the couple is pronounced husband and wife, the glass, or light bulb, which usually is wrapped in a cloth and placed in a silk bag, is then laid by the groom’s foot.

(The Officiant says): We conclude this ceremony with the Breaking of the Glass. Traditionally, the Breaking of the Glass at a wedding is a symbolic prayer and hope that your love for one another will remain until the pieces of the glass come together again, or in other words, that your love will last forever.

The fragile nature of the glass also suggests the frailty of human relationships. Even the strongest of relationships is subject to disintegration. The glass then, is broken to “protect” the marriage with this implied prayer: May your bond of love be as difficult to break as it would be to put together again the pieces of this glass.

The groom then breaks the glass with his foot and everyone shouts “Mazel Tov!” which means “Good luck and congratulations!”

The Five Most Useful Things We’ve Learned from Performing Weddings

Every now and then, a curious soul asks us what we’ve learned as Seattle wedding Officiants performing nearly 1000 weddings in Western Washington over the past eight years. We usually give our “tried-and-true” answer about how nothing ever goes exactly as planned and everyone has to be flexible and willing to have a good time, no matter what happens.

This generally satisfies the questioner, and until now we haven’t really been inclined to go into much detail. However, in the interest of expanding the boundaries of knowledge, and in celebration of entering our eighth year in the business, we have decided to publish, herein, our list of the five most useful things we’ve learned from performing weddings.

These are not listed in any particular order of importance – we think they’re all pretty important. They’re also not the only lessons we’ve learned, just the top five we regularly fall back on. We also think that you, as a bride and/or groom, wouldn’t do too badly to remember them for your own use – what’s good for the Officiant is often good for the couple. These tidbits have made our professional lives more interesting, less frustrating, and a lot more fun. The bottom line: Learn to take everything with a grain of salt. Hey, come to think of it, that could be tidbit #6!

Here goes:

  1. Be flexible. Perfection is unlikely, and we all know about the “best laid plans.” Our ability to respond quickly (and positively) to the unexpected has often gone a long way towards assuring a successful event for the couple.
  2. Keep your cool. Before the ceremony, we try to think of ourselves as “an island of calm in a sea of chaos,” providing a safe harbor for anyone in the Bridal Party who thinks they’re starting to “freak out.”
  3. Don’t lose your sense of humor. If these lessons were listed in order of importance, this would have to be close to the top. Anything that goes sideways now will almost certainly seem pretty funny in retrospect, so why wait? Laugh about it now, and get on with the festivities!
  4. Be prepared. In retrospect, this seems like a no-brainer, but in the beginning, it wasn’t unusual for one of us to leave out a paragraph, stumble on a sentence, mispronounce names and, in my case, forget to seat the audience until three-fourths of the ceremony was done! That most of these things don’t happen anymore is a testament to our practice of carefully learning the ceremony ahead of time, knowing as much as possible about the couple…and diligently employing items 1-3 on this list!
  5. Remember who you work for! We’ve learned this is critical, and what seems to set us apart from other wedding vendors, at least in the minds of the couples who ultimately choose us. We never forget that our function is to do a specific job, and do it perfectly. We were not hired by the couple to be their friends. Sometimes, if we’re very lucky, we get to do both…but if it comes down to a choice, we always consider ourselves “hired hands,” and we never forget who hired us.

Of course, we’ve learned a lot of other things over the past eight years, and eventually I’ll probably update this list as we learn more. For now, it’s still our goal to offer the best possible service to a couple and validate the faith and trust they place in us by allowing us to be a part of such a joyful, intimate and special day.

10 Reasons to Have a Destination Wedding

Reprinted from The Huffington Post

Still undecided on whether or not you should plan a destination wedding? Here are 10 reasons to take the plunge from the editors of Destination Weddings & Honeymoons magazine.

At some point in the planning process, every engaged couple entertains the idea of having a destination wedding — after all, who doesn’t get excited at the prospect of going somewhere gorgeous and unique to exchange vows? But at the same time, it can be daunting — can you actually pull off a destination do? Will your loved ones be supportive? If you find yourselves debating “should we or shouldn’t we?” or needing to convince some VIGs (very important guests) to embrace your decision, we’re here to help. Here are 10 fantastic reasons to take your big day on the road.

  1. You can say “I do” anywhere! A destination wedding is defined as marrying at least 100 miles from where the bride currently lives. So imagine the options that definition opens up for you — the world really is your playground.
  2. You’ll stand out from the pack. More than 2 million American couples wed every year — and fewer than 25 percent of them have destination dos. Bonus: Wed away, and you won’t have to choose from the same old hometown spots all your friends have booked.
  3. It’s easier. Many wedding-worthy resorts offer free planning help to couples, whether the event is for two or 200, and an abundance of packages keep things simple while still giving options to customize. Want something more involved? Turn to an independent planner who specializes in more elaborate events.
  4. You can save on decor. With a destination wedding in a stunning setting, your location of choice supplies the theme, from castle fairytale, to sea-inspired soiree. And when you choose an amazing backdrop, it doesn’t take much to dress it up. Opt for a pristine beach, a tidy vineyard, a blooming garden or a historic plantation house furnished with graceful antiques, and you’ll be more than covered with a few simple florals and other modest accents.
  5. Enjoy quality time with loved ones. The standard wedding lasts for five hours, and the bride and groom spend most of that time running from table to table, trying to say hello to everyone. A destination do spans a minimum of three days — which means, now that you’ve finally gotten your nearest and dearest together, you can actually spend quality time with them! Hooray!
  6. It’s a great excuse to limit the guest list. The very nature of destination weddings — they require travel, a longer time commitment and hotel stays — gives you the perfect excuse to cut down on an often unmanageable number of invitees. Think the second cousins and office mates will be miffed? You can always throw a post wedding party — complete with plenty of photos — when you get back home.
  7. Guests can save on a vacation. Ask your host hotel about discounted room rates for your guests; most resorts are more than willing to bargain in exchange for group business. Some airlines, such as United and American, offer discounted airfares for groups of 10 of more — on the latter, this is true even if your guests are departing from different gateways. And ultimately, your friends will have a blast! Destination weddings give friends and family that most valuable commodity: downtime — to kick back, connect and celebrate. And what’s more fun than that?
  8. You’ll share a locale you love. Part of the joy of a destination wedding is showing off a place that has special meaning to you, be it bringing friends and family back to a beloved college campus, sharing where you took your first vacation as a couple or finally going to a locale you’ve always dreamed of visiting.
  9. Flexible timing helps with budgeting. You’ll be at your destination for a few days, so work with your vendors to see how timing can trim costs. After all, if everyone is already there, you can wed on a Friday, a Sunday or even a Tuesday — what does the day of the week matter in paradise? Look at seasonality too. Many Caribbean hotels drop their prices dramatically in mid-April; by planning your wedding for May, you can get the same great digs for a fraction of the price paid by visitors a few weeks earlier. Likewise, mountain resort towns offer big savings in spring and fall.
  10. You can start the honeymoon early. Just arriving at your destination is sure to put you in a relaxed mood as the pre-wedding festivities begin. Many hotels offer automatic upgrades to the bride and groom on their wedding night, and you may be able to negotiate an extended mini moon at a reduced rate after the guests have gone home.

When the Unexpected Happens

“To expect the unexpected shows a thoroughly modern intellect.” – Oscar Wilde

Although we can never say for sure what will happen during a wedding, one thing we know for sure: the wedding will not go totally according to your plans. There’s a lot to keep track of and a lot to coordinate, so what actually happens will depend upon the input of vendors, guests, the weather, and what you have planned.

You can’t control the weather, keep the kids in their seats or stop the bar from running out of Jack Daniels, you can control how you react to anything that happens on your Big Day.

The trick to getting past the inevitable “speed bumps” you’re bound to encounter is to just relax and tell yourself to have a wonderful day…no matter what happens!

Here are some suggestions for how to have a great time no matter who does what at your wedding:

Expect the Unexpected: There will almost certainly be surprises and not all of them will be the delightful kind. Decide ahead of time that nobody is going to ruin your day.

Keep your sense of humor: The difference between having a good time at your wedding and having a lousy time is simple. When something goes south, you can either laugh…or scream. It’s totally up to you. Personally, I’d choose to laugh, and you should, too.  Remember, no matter how catastrophic something feels to you at the time, in the great cosmic Scheme of Things, it’s small potatoes.

Keep it together: Some brides think that by demanding their way they’re more likely to get it. In reality, rather than moving these demands to the top of their list, a more typical response of any vendor who has to deal with Bridezilla is to drop them to the bottom. Remember, you catch more flies with honey than with vinegar!

Don’t lose perspective: If the roses are the wrong color or the tablecloths don’t match the centerpieces, it’s unlikely anyone else will notice. If you fly off the handle at every inconvenience or panic because something went slightly out-of-sync, then you can be sure pretty much everyone will notice!

Remember why you’re there: A wedding is a celebration! You and your partner have found each other and want to spend the rest of your lives together. When all is said and done, that’s what matters. Be joyful and make that joy contagious! A blissful bride never looks bad in the photos!

Be appreciative: When a vendor earns your gratitude, let them know it. Most wedding vendors really want you to have a wonderful wedding and will go out of their way to make sure that happens. Give credit to the vendors whose service was over and above, and use online reviews to warn future couples about any vendors who fell short. You can have the last word without ruining the mood of your wedding day.

A wedding does take planning and there’s no reason not to plan everything you can. Just remember that a plan is just a guideline, a road map through the day, and as with any trip, there may be unexpected detours and side roads you didn’t anticipate. In the end, the destination is the same, and that’s the bottom line. You’ll arrive in much better spirits if you can learn to sit back, be flexible, laugh at the bumps…and just generally enjoy the ride.

8 Wedding Planning Secrets From the Insiders

Reprinted with kind permission of Judith Johnson, interfaith Wedding Officiant for over 23 years, and author of “The Wedding Ceremony Planner,” a bestselling book on wedding ceremony design.

“If everyone is moving forward together, then success takes care of itself.” – Henry Ford

I thought it would be helpful for couples to hear from Stephanie and Jeff Padavoni of BookMoreBrides.com who are the best kept secret among wedding vendors. They are the #1 marketing resource for the wedding industry — teaching vendors how to effectively communicate with and serve wedding couples. They combine many years of first-hand experience as wedding planning vendors with their mastery of social media marketing savvy, and tremendous empathy for the challenges and needs of both couples and vendors.

I asked them recently for their best advice for couples on how to find the right vendors who will work together to exceed the couple’s dreams of their wedding day. Here’s what they had to say:

1. When you are hiring a vendor, you are purchasing their expertise as well as their time. And, it takes lots of time behind the scenes to create the final product.

Couples are often shocked at the price tag attached to wedding services. “But I’m only hiring you for four hours!” is a common reaction. In reality, vendors spend many hours outside your wedding day timeline on planning, communication, rehearsals, meetings, travel and all the logistics necessary to make their contribution to your day look easy and effortless. This doesn’t even take into account the necessary time and financial investment in initial training and education, as well as ongoing study and investment to keep skills sharp and equipment and offerings up to date.

Let’s take photographers as an example. According to this recent survey, the average photographer spends 65 hours invested in each wedding; when all the hours invested in a wedding are factored in, a typical wedding photographer makes an hourly wage only $37 per hour before expenses! DJs, florists, officiants, planners and other pros are in a similar situation.

Most wedding professionals are not living large on “wedding ripoffs,” a charge often lodged by the media. While the average wedding in the US costs around $25,000, a recent survey of our wedding professional audience revealed that 48% of wedding businesses make less than $25,000 in an entire YEAR.

2. If you hire an amateur for your wedding, expect an amateur result.

Wedding professionals are not a commodity item. You’re hiring a unique personality, talent and experience set. Those who charge more are often worth more, but their value is often difficult to measure in terms of dollars and cents. It is based on intangibles such as how well the vendor creates a rapport with you and seems to understand and care about your specific needs and desires. The amateurs you can hire for a dime a dozen are usually worth exactly the price you pay for them.

Sure, you might luck out and find the next undiscovered Preston Bailey for your wedding, but you’re much more likely to get sub-par performance along with that bargain price.

3. The truth about the “wedding markup.”

Much has been made of the so-called “wedding markup,” a phenomenon that occurs when secret shoppers get quoted a higher price for identical services when they are booked for a wedding as opposed to another type of event. While this certainly can occur, journalists neglect to address the very real reasons WHY this happens. The truth is that providing any service for a wedding is far more involved than a similar, non-wedding event. Wedding pros make themselves available for planning meetings, calls and consultations, and may well send hundreds of emails back and forth with a single client in the year or more of planning up to the wedding.

This type of time and attention isn’t expected or required for most non-wedding events; the time investment alone is enough to justify a higher price. The quality of wedding planning services often requires a greater degree of skill and specialization.

4. Make sure that your wedding really matters to your vendors.

Again, this is another intangible, but pay close attention to whether or not a particular vendor seems more interested in being of service to you or closing the deal. A real wedding professional knows that each and every wedding has the potential to make or break their reputation. Make sure your vendors discuss their “Plan B” with you of what they will do in the event that something goes wrong. Make sure they are tending to the details and not just giving you sweeping generalities about what they do and how they do it. The details are their responsibility for delivering on your expectations.

5. Listen to your vendors’ advice — it can save you time, money, stress and disappointment.

There is a fine line between being unique and different from other weddings and being trite or inauthentic. A seasoned vendor has seen it all and can and should tactfully temper your enthusiasm when you are crossing that fine line. What may seem clever to you may be something your vendor has seen done before with disappointing results. Trust their experience and draw upon it. Know that when they suggest changes to your dream wedding scenario it may be because they have your best interests at heart. Do take advantage of a vendor’s knowledge and experience.

6. If you only have $10,000 to spend on your wedding, don’t expect your vendors to make it look like you spent $100,000.

Weddings can be expensive, and you certainly don’t have to spend a lot of money. But if you’re going to trim your budget, don’t expect it to be a carbon copy of the Royal wedding. Great vendors share their skills and experience to help you create a wonderful wedding, but they are not magicians.

7. A “DIY” wedding usually ends up taking more time and money than hiring a professional!

There is lots of hype on wedding blogs and wedding reality TV about saving money by doing things yourself. Unfortunately, they misrepresent the details of what’s actually possible for a typical wedding with an average budget…one that doesn’t have a team of expert designers and planners working magic behind the scenes.

Wedding planning is overwhelming and stressful enough without trying to set up a craft factory in your garage to create clever favors for 200 guests or to arrange your own flowers.

If you think you’re going to save money by having the wedding in your backyard — you are heading for a rude awakening. When you add up the cost of the tent, rentals, food, alcohol, place settings and silverware, you end up spending MORE than you would hosting it in a traditional wedding venue.

8. Your wedding day will not be perfect, but a great team of vendors can make sure it’s as close as possible.

When it comes to your wedding, don’t forget that there is no such thing as a perfect wedding — something always happens that you didn’t expect or anticipate. Maybe your bridal party will be late, the weather won’t cooperate, or the guests will forget to take home those favors you agonized over.

There are simply too many details and too tight of a timeline for everything to be completely perfect. But when something goes wrong, you can relax into the moment knowing your team will be doing their best to help make it right.

A Wedding in the I.C.U.

By HAIDER JAVED WARRAICH
Reprinted from Private Lives: Personal essays on the news of the world and the news of our lives.
(Note: This story was so inspirational that I felt I just had to include it on our blog.)
BOSTON — There wasn’t going to be a happy ending. The patient had metastatic cancer and had just gone through her third unsuccessful regimen of chemotherapy. Now it seemed that everywhere we looked, we found disease. An X-ray of her belly revealed an obstruction in her intestines. A CT scan of her chest uncovered a pulmonary embolism. Her labs demonstrated that she had almost no white blood cells left with which to defend herself.

When she arrived in the intensive care unit, she was delirious. I asked her the usual questions, about her medical history, and whether she wanted us to do CPR if her heart were to stop beating, but she didn’t answer. I was just setting the clipboard aside when she raised a hand and told me, in a moment of lucidity: “Doc, do everything you can. I need to make it to my daughter’s wedding.”

She was in a lot of pain. She had a tube down her nose draining her stomach.

“When is the wedding?” I asked.

“Next summer.” I blinked. I blinked again. She didn’t — she was looking right at me. At this point, I doubted she’d make it through the hospitalization, let alone eight more months. I didn’t know what I could say. I put the stethoscope against her chest and retreated into silence.

I met Stefanie, her daughter, the next morning. She was 24, but was only 8 when her mother’s cancer was first diagnosed. Stefanie’s mother had Muir-Torre syndrome, a condition that gave her a predisposition for malignancies. So Stefanie had shared her home with cancer for many years, and had always seen her mother fight.
But she knew that this time was different. The oncology fellow who had been treating her mother as an outpatient was the one to tell her that her mother was dying. Stefanie broke down, but understood there was no use denying it. The dream of a family wedding under the summer sun turned sour.

Stefanie called her fiancé that morning. Crying, she told him the news. But he flipped the fatalistic script. Without hesitation he told her, “I want her to be there, too,” and he proposed not only to have the wedding done sooner, but to have it done right there in the I.C.U.

Our team was used to dealing with all kinds of crises: Handling a last-minute wedding was not one of them. While having more than one opinion on a medical team regarding how best to manage a patient is fairly routine, we received no push back from anyone as we started to make arrangements for the wedding. Soon the whole medical team was involved. We sent a letter to the court to expedite the marriage certificate. A pastor and harp player were booked. The hospital cafeteria baked a chocolate cake, and the nurses brought in flowers. In just a few days, we were ready.

My job was to make sure our patient’s pain was controlled while also avoiding the confusion that is a side effect of narcotic medications. But almost miraculously, she didn’t need pain medications for hours and was fully aware of everything that was going on. Looking at the bride and groom from her hospital bed, she seemed more comfortable than I had seen her before. The whole day had an unreal feel to it; everything felt like it slowed down. The sun shone through the windows and glistened on the bags of fluid. For once in the hospital, there were tears but no pain. It felt as if, after all these years of chasing our patient down, even the cancer took a break.

The next morning, the family decided to transition to hospice. No intubation, no CPR — nothing that would prolong life. It was all about trying to make the patient comfortable. (And yet, four months later, she is still alive, and doing as well as can be hoped in hospice.)
In today’s outcome-driven, efficiency-obsessed medical world, it’s easy to forget that healing patients isn’t just about treating diseases and relieving symptoms. There are things doctors and nurses can do, meaningful interventions — like helping patients fulfill final goals or spend quality time with their families — that cannot be documented in a discharge summary or be converted into a blip on a screen.

As a physician, I never liked the word “miracle.” I preferred to think in terms of “medical outliers.” And yet that day of the wedding did feel like a miracle. Physicians often share their patients’ sorrow, but rarely their joys. No, we had not discovered the cure to cancer, but we felt that we had achieved something powerful — freeing, if only temporarily, our patient from her disease.

One of the nurses, smiling through her tears, spoke to me after it was all over. “It was magical,” she said. “None of the patient alarms went off.”
(Haider Javed Warraich is a resident in internal medicine at the Beth Israel Deaconess Medical Center and the author of the novel “Auras of the Jinn.”)

 

The Blessing Stones – A Lovely and Unusual Wedding Tradition

“My wish isn’t to mean everything to everyone, but something to someone.” – Oscar Wilde

The ritual of the Blessing, or Wishing Stones, as they are sometimes called, is a wonderful way to include everyone in the wedding by way of offering blessings and good wishes to the newlyweds. It also is a good way to ensure that everyone makes contact with the Bride and Groom at some point during the day. This tradition may be performed during the actual ceremony itself (before the blessing), at the conclusion of the service (in a receiving line manner), or at the reception.

When the guests arrive at the ceremony, they are given a “Blessing Stone,” usually a round, flat and dark-colored stone, along with a small note card with words printed on it such as: `My wish for you is…” or “May you be blessed with…” or “May God bless you with…”

During the ceremony, the Officiant explains the significance of the Blessing Stones.

“We all recognize that today is a very blessed occasion in the lives of (Groom) and (Bride). You have been invited here today because of your special relationship with them. When you arrived, you received a stone along with a note card. The stones are called “Blessing Stones.”

Since we all wish nothing but the best that life has to offer this couple, I’d like to ask each of you to complete the sentence on the card and sign your name, so your best wishes and your blessings for the bride and groom may always be a reminder of your love for them on this day of celebration.”

At some point (either during or after the ceremony), the guests share their blessing or wish with the newlyweds and toss the Blessing Stone into a “Blessing Bowl,” a “Wishing Well,” or whatever vessel is used to contain the water.

After the guests have disposed of their Blessing Stones, they place their “love notes” into a basket or box for the couple to reflect on at a later time. Many couples keep the Blessing Stones in a special place in their home (a vase of flowers, around a candle, in an aquarium, etc.) to remind them of all the love, good wishes, and blessings they share because of their family and friends.

A variation of this tradition would be at an outdoor wedding near a body of water (lake, pond, ocean, etc.) or fountain. Stones are either gathered at the site or provided for the guests. After the ceremony, everyone follows the wedding party’s recessional to the water, makes a wish or blessing for the couple, and casts their stone into the water.

The Officiant then says, “The ripples that are made in the water represent the love and good wishes not only for this couple, but for all the world. For as our ripples cross and recross one another’s, so our love and good wishes touch and retouch all those around us and all those with whom we come into contact throughout our lives.” (This may also be said during an indoor ceremony).

You can be as creative as you want with this ritual. Here are some ideas:

  • Stones—you may use decorative stones, rose quartz stones, which symbolize love, or other pebbles from a special place.
  • Container for water—you will need a Blessing Bowl (any decorative basin, bowl, or bucket will work), or a table top fountain, or a Wishing Well (as large and elaborate or as small and simple as you wish).
  • Love Notes—buy decorative, ready-made note cards from a stationery or craft store and print your opening blessing phrase on them, or, for an even more personal touch, design and print your own note cards at home on your computer. Remember to begin your blessing phrase with: `My wish for you is…” or `May you be blessed with…” or `May God bless you with…”

Wedding Planning 101

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

Planning a wedding isn’t rocket science, but it definitely requires thought, patience and, probably most importantly, a sense of humor! Wedding planning can be a lot of fun. It can also be a real challenge, and like all challenges, it can be stressful. You should assume in advance that parts of the day just won’t go as you’d like them to, and plan for every eventuality you can think of. The key is to stay organized, stay within your budget, and allow plenty of time to get it all together.

First of all, you should decide on what type of wedding you want to have. This will depend on how much you want to spend, how many guests you want to invite, where and when your ceremony and reception take place, and how much formality you want your wedding to express.

A Formal wedding usually conforms to strict traditional rites both of the church and of secular society. Generally, a formal wedding is larger both in size of wedding party and number of guests , and features more elaborate decorations, attire, invitations, and reception arrangements, than a semi-formal or informal wedding. Formal weddings generally take place in a church or dedicated wedding venue.

Semi-formal weddings usually also stay with tradition (more or less), but everything is slightly less elaborate and more flexible than a formal wedding. Semi-formal weddings often happen at a private residence or at a senior or community center.

An Informal wedding often includes a simple ceremony where you let your imagination go to work. Informal weddings normally have a smaller wedding party and fewer guests than formal or semi-formal weddings.

You should start making appointments to meet with potential vendors (including Wedding Officiant) as soon as possible after you set the wedding date and confirm the venue. You choices should have long experience working at weddings – lots of great photographers turn out to be disappointing as wedding photographers – and they should be able to answer any questions you may have concerning the style, length and content of your ceremony. They can often guide you in the selection of music, wedding customs and rituals, special vows or other non-traditional elements you would like to include in your wedding ceremony. They may also be familiar with the venue and provide insights into the best ways to decorate, where to place flower arrangements, etc.

You may decide to have your wedding ceremony in a hotel, private residence or activities club. Keep in mind that many of the items you will need probably won’t be supplied, so you will have to buy or rent them. Always check with the venue to see which items they’re willing to make available.

A home wedding can be formal or informal. Be realistic about the number of guests that your home can comfortably accommodate. Don’t move all the furniture out just to make more room or you will lose the “homey” atmosphere you were probably looking for in the first place.

If you plan an outdoor ceremony, keep in mind that the weather may not always cooperate and have an alternate location readily available. This is especially critical in Washington state weddings, where a beautiful morning can segue into a rainy afternoon with virtually no advance warning. If you’ll be getting married in a public place, such as a park or arboretum, be sure to pick a quiet spot without much auto or foot traffic or ambient noise (such as landing planes passing overhead constantly because you’re smack in the middle of the airport’s approach path!). Other things to consider: how accessible is the site; what facilities exist for guest parking and seating; and again, what equipment is available.

Work or school schedules, convenience for families, and your honeymoon plans should all be considered when you’re finalizing the date and time of your wedding. Saturday is traditionally the most popular day for weddings. Any day will work if schedules permit, but there are some good reasons to get married during the week (Mon-Thurs). More venues are usually available and vendor fees tend to be lower for weeknight weddings.

The only way to be sure all goes well is to rehearse the ceremony, but it’s not always necessary to schedule a separate day/evening for rehearsal. For small wedding parties, rehearsal an hour or so before the wedding usually works fine (and saves money). It is helpful to include the processional and recessional music if you want the pace of their steps to be timed. The ushers should also be briefed on their duties. Everyone should become familiar with the venue: where will the ceremony will be held, exits in case of emergency, rest rooms and dressing rooms for men and women.

If you do decide a separate rehearsal is necessary (for your peace of mind and to get everyone in the wedding party familiar with their function), try to schedule it for the evening before the ceremony. Allow at least an hour, and make it fun. This allows you to relax and be assured that everyone knows their job for the big day.

A rehearsal dinner often follows, and this is traditionally paid for by the groom or his family. Try to schedule it to start and end early in the evening if possible. You should be cheerful and alert on your wedding day – you don’t want to miss anything!

The Worst Wedding Ideas…Ever!

“Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea.” – Craig Bruce

Planning a wedding is always a challenge, but it’s up to you to keep it together during the process. If you find yourself seriously considering any of these ideas…stand down, take a deep breath and have a latté. Don’t let your wedding turn into a cautionary tale.

1. Pyrotechnics: Pyrotechnics at a wedding are the opposite of good taste. You’re planning a wedding, not an Aerosmith concert. Lining the buffet table with road flares might improve your wedding photos…but they’re way too close to those Sterno cans keeping food warm. It’s all fun and games until someone’s hair catches fire at the roast beef carving station. A saner alternative: sparklers…outside!

2. Using an iPod playlist to DJ: Technology has come a long way since the days when DJ’s hauled crates of vinyl records to gigs, but that doesn’t mean you can, or should, DJ your own wedding from an iPod…or let a well-meaning friend do it, either. Whether you choose a band, a string quartet or a DJ, leave the music to a pros. The new world of high-tech music production is an art form best left to someone with years of experience under their belt.

3. Cash bar: It doesn’t matter how small your budget is. It doesn’t matter if the groom’s whole family is in AA. When people go to a wedding, they expect an open bar. This doesn’t mean you have to hand out personal tequila shots on the dance floor, but you should offer a reasonable array of hard liquor, as well as wine and beer. There’s a 90% chance your guests will not bring cash to a wedding, which means drink coupons and a cash bar are not an option. Even if you have to walk down the aisle in a white trash bag while the local glee club sings “Here Comes The Bride,” free liquor is non-negotiable.

4. Serenading your groom: You’ve probably seen the video of the bride who sang to her groom as she walked down the aisle. The thing is, that bride was a singer with significant talent. Unfortunately, she was also the rare exception to the rule. Unless you’re a professional singer used to performing in front of large audiences, singing to your spouse-to-be should be off limits. No matter how much you practice, the odds are it won’t come off the way you would like it to. All eyes should be on you because you look wonderful and the event is beautiful, and not because you mangle high C. Save the singing for when you and your spouse are sharing the shower.

5. Getting married on a beach during high tide: At least have the common sense to read the tide tables and know just how much beach you’re going to lose during the ceremony!

6. Taking photos on the dock: History (and YouTube) has demonstrated this is never a good idea. If anyone ends up in the water, your wedding could end up going down with them.

7. Not wearing underwear: Where do we start? Well, consider just one possible scenario: you trip while walking down the aisle and land legs-up with your wedding dress around your head. Is this really a view you want your guests to remember? And that goes for kilts, too, gentlemen…even if Christopher Lambert did look cool in “The Highlander.”

8. Letting your spouse carry you (or carrying your spouse): This is especially true in bad weather (and in case you haven’t noticed, it does tend to rain occasionally in Washington). They will drop you, no matter how much, or how often they work out. It’s a law of nature.

9. Having a hugely pregnant woman in your bridal party: We’ve all seen the photos: a beautiful bride flanked by her nearest and dearest wedding party. Among them, usually on the end, is the woman who is eight-and-a-half months pregnant and may end up giving birth while you and your spouse are cutting the cake. Talk about a thunder-stealer! Truth be told, most pregnant women don’t want to be in anyone’s wedding, not even your very best friend from grade school. They’ll nod and smile and tell you it’s an honor, but deep down they’re cursing the day they met you.

No matter when she’s due, your pregnant friend just wants to sit in the shade, hydrate and wait for the appetizers. She does not want to spend $200 on a dress that couldn’t possibly look good on her. She does not want to wear heels. She does not want to watch you and the rest of your bridal party knock back shots at the bar while she sips club soda. Give her a break. Pick someone else. Or, if you’re determined to have her participate in the wedding and she’s okay with that, just give her a short reading, after which she can sit back down.

And possibly, the very worst of the worst:

10. For a nominal fee (about $1000), you and your fiancé can re-enact a scene from a movie musical to be shown (or filmed) at your wedding. The current favorite is a montage, set to Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” (presumably not meant to evoke the song’s role in “Trainspotting”). Be honest. Who would want to watch something like this? And, more important, how many fiancés will say, “Yes, dear,” to such a horrible idea? Sadly, the answer seems to be quite a few. Local wedding videographers are doing a brisk business. One couple (and this may be apocryphal) even cut the ceremony short to allow enough time for filming on their big day! I wonder who ends up with the DVD if the marriage tanks.

With so many tried-and-true wedding ideas that really work, have worked for generations, and really enhance the event for everyone, it pays to avoid gimmicks like those above. The odds are they’ll go wrong, and while that may make for a successful YouTube video…is this really the memory you want your guests to take away?

Why Uncle Charlie Should Not Officiate Your Wedding!

Reprinted with kind permission of Judith Johnson: Author, Speaker, Life Coach and Interfaith Minister

“If you think a professional is expensive, wait ’til you try an amateur.” ― Paul “Red” Adair

There is a popular trend these days to have a friend or family member go online to receive an ordination certificate in a matter of minutes so they can “legally” officiate at your wedding. While on the surface this might sound like a fun idea, a look below the surface reveals some really good reasons why this is NOT a good idea. As an interfaith minister who has been officiating at weddings for over twenty years now and as author of the bestselling book on wedding ceremony design, here are Judith’s three really good reasons why you should hire a seasoned professional to officiate at your ceremony.

Some states do not recognize some online ordination credentials. The last thing you want to find out after your wedding is that you are not legally married. So, tread with caution. It is the state where your ceremony takes place, not the state where you live that has jurisdiction. Just as state laws about who can get married are changing, so are the laws regarding who can officiate at weddings. Not all online ordinations are equally acceptable, so be very specific in researching what sites are and are not acceptable in your state. Keep yourself informed about any changes that occur in these laws during the course of your wedding preparations.

There are a thousand little details that add up to a great ceremony. Which ones are you willing to have overlooked? Why put someone you love in the position of being responsible for something they know nothing about? Why not let your friend or family member enjoy being a guest at your wedding instead of bearing the burden of doing something so important that they know nothing about? Unless your friend or family member happens to already be a member of the clergy, why put this responsibility on them? Most couples and the friends and/or family member they choose to officiate are clueless about what goes into designing a ceremony, running a wedding rehearsal, or officiating at the ceremony. Think about it – would you hire a band for your reception that had never played together before? Would you want your wedding to be their first gig?

There are better, safer options. A seasoned officiant knows the in’s and out’s of advising you on the logistics of your rehearsal and ceremony as well as the design of the text and the ritual itself. They can be a wealth of information and ideas to help you create the ceremony that is perfect for you. They know what works, and what doesn’t.

If you are worried about not belonging to a religious community, not wanting a stranger to officiate at your ceremony, or wanting to have control over what is said at your ceremony – no problem. There are three fabulous resources for finding the right officiant.

The first is to ask your wedding vendors. Typically, your first wedding decision is going to be your wedding date and location. Ask the wedding coordinator at your venue to share their impressions of the officiants on their preferred vendor list and to recommend the ones they think are a good match for you. Call these recommended officiants and/or make appointments to meet. Trust your instincts about who you are comfortable with, how resourceful and flexible they seem to be, and how they react to your story and wishes for your ceremony.

The second resource is to ask around among your friends. Ask your married friends who they had officiate at their ceremony? Were they pleased or not? Why? Ask friends and family if they attended any weddings where the officiant did a really good job.

Third, use regional wedding websites and major wedding websites that have regional vendor listings. Read the listings and reviews on officiants there. One of the most popular sites is http://www.weddingwire.com.

Your wedding ceremony is what your wedding day is all about. Give it the respect and attention it deserves as an expression of what crossing this threshold together really means to you. The person who officiates at your ceremony will have a lot of influence on what will hopefully become a beautiful memory for you. So, be thoughtful and careful in selecting the officiant who is right for you. Be as honest as possible about who you are and who you aren’t. If someone rejects you because they don’t share your beliefs, be glad you didn’t hire them! Just keep looking for the right match. Find someone who is happy for you, is on your wavelength, and gives you confidence that they will help you create a wedding ceremony that exceeds your biggest dreams. You deserve that!