Nine Reasons Autumn Weddings Are Totally Underrated

Originally posted by De Elizabeth on Sep 19, 2016 in “Engagement, It’s Wedding Season”

When it comes to planning a wedding, the very first thing you have to decide, literally before anything else, is the date. And before you pick the specific date on the calendar, you probably have a good idea as to which season you prefer. While all seasons have their benefits, many factors come together to make autumn truly the best. Objectively speaking, there are many reasons why fall is the ideal time of year to tie the knot. Here are nine of them, all of which will add up to an insanely memorable wedding.

1. You truly cannot ask for better weather.
If Mother Nature behaves herself and the weather plays according to the rules, chances are, you’ll end up with a perfectly crisp day. This will come in handy when you spend several hours crammed into a small room with your bridesmaids while getting ready. There’s literally nothing worse than sweating – or freezing – your ass off at a ceremony.

2. The colors.
There are so many options when it comes to color schemes. You could go orange and red, or blue, or gold, or navy. Almost anything looks amazing against the changing leaves. Which brings me to….

3. The scenery.
If your ceremony is outdoors, you will barely need to decorate at all. The turning leaves will do the job for you. The orange and red trees will look amazing as a backdrop to your nuptials, and there’s something so romantic about falling leaves (not to mention crunchy ones).

4. Think of all the ‘grams.
The colors and symbols of fall are endlessly Instagrammable. And, okay, they’ll look great in your professional photos too.

5. Pumpkin and apple everything.
If you’re a fan of Pumpkin Spice, this is a perfect excuse to make all of your appetizers autumnal themed. Think: pumpkin soup, or apple sausage, or a pumpkin dip. At one wedding, the couple had an apple cider mimosa as the signature drink and guests told them it was pretty much the best thing they’d ever tasted.

6. So many decor options.
Between pumpkins, gourds, wheat, and candles, there are endless options for fall decorations. The best part about this is that you can craft centerpieces from these items without paying extra for flowers. Which results in saving money. Yes, please.

7. Your guests will likely be available.
With summer weddings, you run the risk of choosing a date that interferes with an annual family vacation, or, just as likely, another wedding. People are generally more free during the autumn months, and you won’t have to compete with seventeen billion other June weddings.

8. Think of all the bouquet options.
With an autumn wedding, you can go the unconventional route with your bouquet (which also results in less money.) Your bouquet can be composed of peach and orange roses, but it could also have wheat and berries in it, and be wrapped with burlap!

9. It’s just undeniably romantic.
Think of that quote – “Life starts over again when it gets crisp in the fall.” Maybe it’s the routine of starting school in the fall, or feeling like the autumn is equated with “new,” but there’s something so quintessentially hopeful about the beginning of autumn. And what better beginning than the words, “I do.”

Do You Really Need a Rehearsal?

(Reposted from Wednet)

Your ceremony is the beginning of the most wonderful day of your life. It sets the tone for the entire day; it is the smile on his face, the lump in his throat, the look that takes his breath away as he sees you coming down the aisle. This is your day, your moment in time, a moment that will forever be cherished and remembered. As important as this day is, many brides neglect to give their wedding rehearsal the time and attention it deserves.

It is amazing there is so little information regarding the rehearsal. Beautiful ceremonies do not just happen. So often, you hear, “I wish I would have done this or said that” or “I was going to do, whatever but I wasn’t sure when to do it”. Unfortunately, actions may appear hesitant, awkward or sloppy; romantic words or gestures can easily be overlooked or bypassed because it is unclear when and how to proceed. The day of the wedding, nerves and emotions are at their peak and so many things are going on; this is not the time to leave things to chance.

Everyone from the bride and groom, their families and wedding party are expected to know exactly what to do, how to do it and when to do it and yet there is very little available on how to organize a rehearsal and what to include. Unless the bride has a coordinator to oversee the rehearsal, she is pretty much on her own. Even with a coordinator, the bride may only get the very basics, the seating of mothers, processional, attendant placement and recessional with no attention given to form or actual timing.

Some will argue that if you rehearse, the ceremony will not be fresh and the romantic gestures or words will not be spontaneous, which is a valid argument if you are attempting to rehearse every word and detail of your ceremony. However, the wedding rehearsal is not to practice dialogue, it is to block and stage your ceremony as if it were a theatrical production. In theatrical terms, blocking is directing the positions and movement of the actors; it is choreography of movement.

The choreography of the ceremony begins with the seating of family by the ushers or groomsmen and concludes with the bride and groom leaving the ceremony and may extend beyond the ceremony depending on the couple. Most people know the basics, it is the style and manner in which something is done that makes the difference. The attention to that type of detail is what will set a ceremony apart from all the others and it will show in both photography and video. If you are comfortable with what you are doing, you will be more relaxed and able to enjoy this wonderful time in your life.

Here are a few brief suggestions for your rehearsal:

When to Schedule
If possible, avoid scheduling a rehearsal for right after work. If your wedding party has to fight rush hour traffic, you can be almost certain the rehearsal will not start on time.
Wedding professionals including the minister, judge, photographer etc. whom you have requested attend the rehearsal may charge a fee and give you a specific block of time. Some professionals charge an additional fee when asked to stay longer than scheduled.
Rehearsals on weekends or holidays may be difficult for wedding professionals to attend and if they are charging you a fee, it may be higher.

Time
Allow at least 1 hour for your rehearsal.
The rehearsal and the rehearsal dinner are two separate events. Schedule a time for the rehearsal and a time for the dinner. If the rehearsal and dinner will be held at different locations, make sure to allow for travel time.

Who Should Attend
Invite only those who will actually be in the wedding ceremony and parents of the bride and groom to the rehearsal.
Invite everyone else to join you later at the rehearsal dinner.

What to Bring
Bring the wedding music to the rehearsal.
If the bride will wear gloves during the ceremony then bring them to the rehearsal.
Bridesmaids should have the shoes they will wear for the ceremony with them, especially if your ceremony is outdoors.

Common Sense
Show up sober. You would be amazed at how many times the bride, groom or members of the wedding party have shown up drunk. The rehearsal should be fun but it does serve a purpose; if you want to party wait until after the rehearsal otherwise you are just wasting everyone’s time.

How Much is Too Much? Keeping Your Wedding Affordable

This terrific article was written by Neal Frankle. Neal is a Certified Financial Planner in Los Angeles, and founder of the blog, Wealth Pilgrim.com. This post originated on Wealth Pilgrim.

As the father of three daughters, when you ask, “How much should a wedding cost?” my answer is simple: Less. A lot less.

Fortunately, there are dozens of ideas that will slash the cost of even the most ambitious wedding. It goes without saying that you should take it easy on engagement ring prices. But after you take care of that, keep on the money saving track.

The following tactics will deliver a world-class experience you and your guests will never forget – and keep you out of the poor house at the same time. Here are eight top cost-saving tactics you should consider using that can save you as much as $28,000.

The easiest way to realize significant cost savings is to erase some people from the invite list. Think about it. If you are paying $100 a plate, merely cutting out a dozen guests will save you $1,200. This step is cool because it doesn’t mean you have to change anything about the overall experience.

2. Shuffle Your Big Day: Savings $3,500

Most people wed on Saturday night. Mistake. It’s the most expensive day to tie the knot. Don’t do it. Think outside the box and get married on any other day. This alone will save you 10%.

If you strategically make it inconvenient, fewer people show up and that reduces your expense too. So if you’re wedding is going to be a $35,000, you can put $3,500 back in the kitty.

3. Beat the Clock: Savings $6,000

Again, by having your ceremony in the morning or afternoon, you’ll save a ton more. The food, venue and entertainment will be much less expensive. Also, most people tend to booze it up a little less during daylight. One caterer I spoke with told me that he charges 40% less because during the day, people normally don’t have appetizers.  So, if you figure 150 people are coming at $100 a plate, that’s a cool $6,000 you save.

4. Stonewall Your Caterer

Your caterer is a salesperson. Her goal is to put as much distance between you and your money as possible. Play hardball. Just because other people spend big bucks on food nobody is going to eat doesn’t mean you have to.

Simplify your hors d’oeuvres (or drop them completely) and main course. Drop the soup. Use the wedding cake for it’s intended purpose – dessert. You don’t need more than that.

Your caterer will try to shame you into spending as much money as possible. Don’t fall for it. You don’t have to do anything just because “that’s how it’s done.” Think about every dollar you spend and make sure it’s meaningful.

5. Let Them Eat (Less) Cake: $1,750

If you don’t go for the idea of using the cake as the dessert, get a small cake. Since nobody is going to eat it anyway, you might as well save the money. Don’t worry about the guests complaining. They won’t.

You can serve the guests “wedding cake” from a sheet cake in the back. That way you have a beautiful (small) cake for the ceremony and you’ll still have plenty of cake to go around. The caterer I spoke with told me that the average cost of a plated dessert is $15 a head. If instead you get a cake for $500, that’s another $1750 that stays in your purse.

6. Close The Bar: $2,200

Remember, you’re not staging the Mardi Gras. And you don’t need to liquor everyone up. You can offer just beer or wine. Or if you serve more, you can offer a choice between two cocktails on top of the beer and wine. These two moves will significantly save you serious cash.

My caterer pal told me this is where serious dollars are saved. Most places will charge you $20 a head at least for alcohol. Find a venue that will allow you to bring in your own booze and it will cost you a ton less. I just had a party for 150 people and used this little maneuver. I spent a total of $800 on beer, wine, cola, water and hard alcohol. Nobody went home thirsty and I saved $2200. I’ll drink to that!

7. Allergic To Flowers: $9,000

Choose flowers carefully. If you get married in a garden setting (preferably on an afternoon) you might be able to forgo the entire need for flowers. You can also select less-expensive flowers. Use a colorful theme to cut down the need to use flowers to add color.

You could spend $50,000 on flowers alone but please don’t. The average is about $10,000 and unless you absolutely demand it, cut it down to less than $1,000 for some well placed roses. Savings – $9,000 at least.

8. The Wedding Dress: Savings $4,500

Wedding dresses can empty your wallet – unless you are clever. Buy clothes that have been tried on before. You can snatch these up at huge discounts. Bridal gowns are often on sale in late spring and early winter.

You can also save a bundle by renting clothes and shoes instead of buying. A wedding dress could easily run $5,000. That’s plain crazy.  You’ll have no problem renting one for under $500. This will save you $4,500.

The total comes to a cool $28,150 savings.  This assumes you’re spending $100 a plate and inviting 150 guests. This is not extravagant in Los Angeles (where I live) but it might be in other parts of the country. But that’s not the main point.

There is no one step that will save you the big bucks, but as you see, little steps can add up to huge bucks that stay in your bank account. If you are paying for your own wedding (and especially if you are still struggling with college or credit card debt) does it really make sense to have a large wedding at all?

Pagan Weddings – What’s up with that?

Modern Paganism is one of the world’s fastest growing religious bodies. In its simplest definition, Paganism is a modernized recreation of the indigenous spiritual traditions of Europe — basically, it’s a revival of ancient pre-Christian beliefs and practices. However, this is the 21st century. Modern Paganism has been heavily influenced by modern values and ethics, such as feminism and environmentalism.

Don’t worry that you may witness an animal sacrifice at a Pagan ritual; many Pagans are vegan and strong supporters of animal rights!

There is a wide array of religions and spiritual traditions that fall under the Pagan “umbrella,” and yes, some are legally recognized faiths. The main three religions you will find within Paganism are:

  1. Wicca: A nature-oriented faith that focuses on the cycle of the seasons. One of Wicca’s main tenets is the Rede, which is summarized as, “An it harm none, do as thou wilt.”
  2. Druidry: A recreation of ancient Celtic practices, with a strong focus on poetry and storytelling. An example of a Druid wisdom teaching would be this Celtic triad, “Three things loveable in a person: tranquility, wisdom, and kindness.”
  3. Asatru: A reconstruction of ancient Northern European beliefs. Think “Vikings” and you aren’t so far off. Asatru has the Nine Noble Virtues, three of which are courage, truth and honour.

What is a handfasting, exactly?

A handfasting is a wedding or betrothal ceremony, and to be handfasted is equivalent to being married or betrothed, but before we get into the details, let’s back up a bit and have a quick history lesson.

In most of pre-Christain Europe, weddings were fairly straightforward affairs, and this was especially true for northern Europe and Celtic lands. Two families came together and they worked out a deal on land ownership and any trading of goods. Then, the couple would exchange gifts, clasp hands, and make oaths of loyalty to each other. Afterward their families and the community they lived in would throw a party and have a feast.

Going to the trouble of a full religious ceremony officiated by a Druid (or someone similar) was typically reserved for people of very high social status. For most people the transition from single to married was a do-it-yourself affair, with the couple’s community acting as witnesses.

As Christianity began to spread across Europe, the new Church lacked the resources to have a clergyman in every rural village and hamlet. As such, the Church would send circuit priests to travel to out-of-the-way parishes during the warmer months.

Obviously, this presented a problem to families who needed to make an alliance with another family or clan. It’s also difficult to ask young people in love to wait so long before they can make a home together. Especially if the young woman was already pregnant! Governments had a similar problem: it was too difficult to provide a judge or magistrate to every little village, let alone manage all the paperwork required for marriage licenses at a time when everything was handwritten on parchment.

So, folks looked back to the traditions of their grandparents and found a compromise. The couple would “self-marry” in the old style when it was convenient for the community. The union would later be formally blessed by the church when the circuit priest came around.

In the Middle Ages, handfasting-type rituals became popular as betrothal rituals. In some parts of Europe, e.g., Scotland, the word “handfasting” was used to say that a couple was engaged. It was more common to hear that a couple was “handfasted” than “betrothed.”

These types of self-uniting marriage traditions lasted well into the colonial era, when settlers in the New World faced difficulties due to long distances and lack of resources.

It was only a couple of hundred years ago that nations began to pass legislation requiring couples to be legally wed via a specific set of rules. In fact, in some parts of the world, self-uniting ceremonies are still perfectly valid and legal.

As modern Paganism began to truly grow in the early-to-mid 20th century, Pagans sought marriage rituals that had historical significance without strong ties to other religions.

Two fit the bill: the tying of hands in the handfasting tradition, and the jumping of the broom.

So is it a real marriage or not?

A Pagan handfasting can be several things, depending on the couple’s wishes. It can be a legal marriage. It can be a commitment ceremony for a common law or civil union. It can be a kind of trial marriage for a couple who wish to ease into married life. It can be a formal betrothal.

The ceremony can be led by an officiant, Pagan clergy, a friend, or be a self uniting-ritual. Sometimes, due to the small size of their religious body, it can be difficult to find a clergy member who is also a legal officiant. As such, Pagans who wish to become legally married will often “get legalled” before or after the wedding. They will have the legal paperwork and requirements taken care of at the local clerk’s office or other government-specified office.

What can I expect to see during the ceremony?

You may be surprised at how familiar much of the ceremony will be. There will be vows. You might see a bride in a white dress. You may see a wine blessing, or the sharing of a loving cup by the couple. You may see a bride wearing a veil; after all, this practice goes all the way back to ancient Pagan Rome, when brides wore brightly colored veils to protect themselves from evil spirits. You will probably see the couple exchanging rings or some other token of their love, such as necklaces. Rings and other jewelry have been used for the purpose of binding people to an oath since at least the Iron Age. You may see the lighting of candles, possibly even a unity candle ceremony.

Next: Pagan weddings: Things that could be unfamiliar to you.

Cheap Wedding Decorations

(Reprinted with sincere thanks to Casey Slide. (Originally posted in MoneyCrashers. ) Whether it’s in a big, elegant church, or a rustic, old garden, or at a white, sandy beach, the backdrop and decorations of a wedding ceremony can really make a lasting impression. And luckily, a pretty ceremony doesn’t have to cost a fortune. When it comes to ceremony decorating, less tends to be more. Additionally, you can save some money by being creative and keeping it simple. Here are some great ideas for cheap wedding decorations that will help you stick to your budget.

Saving Money on Ceremony Decorations at a Church

  1. Use Your Venue’s Decorations
    If you’re getting married in a church, see what decorations they have for you to use. Many have candelabras which can add sophistication to your ceremony. Also, you may not have to decorate at all if you plan to get married during Christmas or Easter time when churches are already adorned with flowers and greenery.
  2. Use Candles Instead of Flowers
    Candles are a lot cheaper than wedding flower arrangements, and can often be more romantic. Use them at the altar, to line the aisle (make sure they’re in fireproof bags or enclosed in glass to prevent fire hazards), or even in place of bouquets.
  3. Get Some Potted Plants
    In the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, they lined the aisle of the beautiful Westminster Abbey with big, potted trees creating an English garden atmosphere. You can do something similar by bringing some potted plants from home or borrowing a few from a friend.
  4. Buy Lots of Tulle
    There are so many fun things that you can do with tulle to decorate, but here are two of my favorites. The first thing you can do is create a canopy effect with the tulle. Have a few friends hang some from the center of the ceiling and then drape it down to the corners of the altar or stage. To complement the tulle canopy, use tulle to make bows to put on the pews or rows of chairs.
  5. Decorate the Altar Only
    If you have a beautiful wedding venue already, there is no need to go overboard with your decorations. Perhaps all you need is a simple arrangement at the altar.
  6. Decorate Your Own Unity Candle
    This is a fun and easy project that can be done in less than one hour. Go to a craft store and buy a plain, white candle that is at least two inches in diameter. You will also need to buy a ribbon (at least two inches wide) and some sequins. To assemble your own unity candle, glue the ribbon around the bottom of the candle and then glue the sequins on the front of the candle so that they spell the first letter of the groom’s last name.
  7. Go Shelling
    My parents live near the beach down in Florida, and my mom’s favorite activity is to go shelling. She goes at least once a week to look for beautiful and unique shells. It wasn’t long before my mom had collected thousands of shells, so many, in fact, that she didn’t know what to do with them all. If you have access to free shells, put them in clear vases or hurricanes to be used as wedding decorations. Although shells would be a great addition to a wedding near the ocean, they would also be a beautiful added surprise to a landlocked wedding as well.
  8. Throw Down Some Flower Petals
    Even if you do not have a flower girl, you can still throw down some flower petals along the aisle. This can be done as part of the decorating process before the guests arrive. Flower petals are inexpensive to buy compared to actual flower arrangements, so if you really want flowers but don’t want to spend the money, this is a great way to add them into the decoration of your ceremony.

Saving Money on Ceremony Decorations Outdoors

  1. Pick a Naturally Beautiful Setting
    Outdoor garden, beach, or mountain weddings are already decorated for you. For example, if you’re getting married at a farm, throw down some hay bales for seating and you’ve got a rustic, but romantic aisle to walk down. If you want a garden wedding, make sure you get married in the spring when all the flowers are in full bloom.
  2. Have a Focal Point
    There needs to be some sort of focal point that you and your spouse-to-be meet at to be wedded. The focal point will act as a frame around the event. Some of the most common options are arches and gazebos. First check to see if you will have one provided to you by your venue. If not, you can buy one, rent one, or make one. Unless you are a carpenter or a handyman, you should probably opt to rent one. I suggest renting an arch since they are typically cheaper than gazebos and look just as nice.
  3. Hang Some Christmas Lights
    If you are getting wed in the evening, white Christmas lights are a must. And if you’re renting an archway, it would be the perfect place for the lights. Also consider hanging lights in some of the trees if you will be in an outdoor setting.
  4. Mow the Lawn
    This may seem obvious, but if you are getting married in a backyard, start working on the lawn early to ensure that it will be ready in time for the big day. If the yard is kept up with regularly, it will look better for the wedding. Also, start early to plan out what flowers and plants you want to feature. Planting bulbs months in advance will save you from buying more expensive flowers to plant the week before the wedding.
  5. Use a Theme to Guide You
    I went to a wedding not too long ago that had an amazing “Zen” theme throughout. Some of the decorations included paper parasols, lanterns, and bonsai trees. They even had rock gardens as the wedding reception centerpieces to complete the theme. What’s great about using a theme is that you only need a few elements to make a big impact on the overall impression of the ceremony.
  6. Light It Up
    In addition to white Christmas lights or candles, other ways to light up your evening are to use luminaries, torches, and lanterns. Use what is most appropriate given your particular wedding venue. Also, keep in mind whether or not children will be at your wedding and if it would cause any issues to have open flames.
  7. Blow Bubbles
    Although this may sound childish, bubbles can actually add an elegant touch if done correctly. If you’re going to use a bubble machine, make sure that the machine is out of sight and that the bubbles are not coming out too quickly or too slowly. Also make sure that the bubble machine is not too noisy.

The Last Word

The key to successful wedding ceremony decor is simplicity. Clean, elegant flower arrangements, a few strategically placed candles or some potted plants to add a little greenery are all you need to create a romantic and memorable ceremony. Less is more – which ultimately means more money for the honeymoon!

Writing Thank You Notes

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When writing wedding thank you cards, it’s easy to get stumped on what to say, particularly when you don’t know the person well or when you just don’t like the wedding gift.  Don’t get tripped up on writing thank you cards. Planning the wedding – the hard part – is over. This is the easy part. There are a variety of thank you cards options to choose from. Pick a set of cards that best represents you as a couple or matches your wedding theme.

Here are some more tips to writing great thank-you cards for your wedding gifts (with thanks to Martha Stewart Weddings).

Getting Organized
Buy thank-you cards early (if you’re having them printed, it’s often cheaper to order them along with your other wedding stationery), so you have them on hand. Set up a log when you begin addressing your invitations to help keep track of the correct spelling of names, mailing addresses, and phone numbers. Use the list to record guests’ responses and, ultimately, gifts they give you. Store the information on a computer, in a binder, or on index cards.
Keeping Track!
When you open presents, immediately record who gave you what, either in your log or right on the gift cards, which you could keep together in a specially designated box. Despite your best efforts, a few gifts may become separated from their cards. If the gift was from your registry, call the store to see if it has a record of who purchased it. If not, you may have to try figuring it out by the process of elimination.
What’s the Time Frame?
Ideally, you should acknowledge every present immediately, but sending it within two weeks is also acceptable. The period surrounding your wedding is a busy time; if you fall behind, make every effort to send a thank you as soon as you can — but no later than three months after the event.
To ensure the task doesn’t become too overwhelming, write notes in small batches. Diane Warner, author of “Contemporary Guide to Wedding Etiquette” (Career Press; 2005), offers this strategy: “Set a goal of writing three or four thank-you notes per day. Don’t try to tackle them all at once, otherwise they may tend to start sounding trite.” She also recommends that both the bride and the groom divide the note-writing duties.
What Should Your Thank-You Notes Look Like?
For weddings, the most traditional thank-you cards are white or ecru and measure approximately 3 1/2 by 5 inches, with a top fold. They can be monogrammed or embossed with a motif you’ve used on other decorations. With a monogram, remember that it’s improper to adopt your married moniker until after the ceremony. You might combine the initials of your first names instead, or use different cards for thank-you notes that are sent out before the wedding date.
How to Save Money
You can save money by dressing up plain cards and making your own notes. Another alternative is to turn a photo from your wedding day into thank-you postcards. Your photographer may offer them (keep in mind that it takes time for him to produce them), or you can make them yourself (just be sure you have the photographer’s permission).
Who Should Write Them?
It is customary for just one person to write and sign each note, mentioning his or her spouse’s appreciation (“Karen and I want to thank you…. Love, David”). However, coauthored notes, signed by both the bride and groom, are also acceptable. One easy way to share the work is for the bride to write to her own family members and friends, and the groom to his.
What Should the Message Say?
You don’t need to write a lot — four or five sentences will suffice — as long as what you do express is heartfelt. Identify the gift, say why you appreciate it, why it has a personal meaning for you, and how you plan to use it. If the giver came to the wedding, especially from a distance, also include a sentence thanking him for attending: “Thank you for coming to our wedding. Your presence made our day extra-special. David and I love the coffee maker. We’ve used it every day since we got back from our honeymoon. Thanks so much.” For cash gifts, you need not mention the dollar amount, but it’s a nice touch to say how you plan to spend the money.
What Should the Sign-Off Be?
The sign-off should reflect your relationship to the recipient. “Love” is suitable for close friends and family; “with affection” is a slightly less intimate option; “sincerely” may be the most appropriate when you’re writing to someone such as your manager at work. You needn’t sign off with your full names with people you’re close to, but you may want to use them in thank-you notes to business associates and friends of your parents. Trust your instincts: If using your surname feels cold or stiff, leave it out. If your message sounds overly familiar without it, then include it.

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Cost-Cutting Ideas: Conducting Your Own Wedding Rehearsal

One thing that can substantially raise the fee charged by your wedding Officiant is the need to have him or her conduct your rehearsal. This is a justifiable expense – the Officiant may have passed up another wedding to conduct your rehearsal – but it’s also an expense that the bride and groom don’t always need to incur. It’s actually pretty easy to run your own rehearsal without your Officiant in attendance.

At Forever, Together, as Seattle wedding officiants we’re more than happy to conduct rehearsal for you on a separate day…if you decide you need one.  However, for a small wedding, or a very simple ceremony, rehearsal can be D.I.Y., leaving you with more “scratch” to spend on your honeymoon in Vegas!

This may seem a daunting task, especially if you don’t think of yourself as the “managerial” type, but there are some simple steps you can do to make it easier. First of all, we’ll assume that you have worked with your Officiant and have at least a draft of your ceremony (if you don’t, then you should!). Armed with your wedding script, follow the steps below and you’ll have a run-through that moves along smoothly…and gets everyone to the rehearsal dinner in around 30 minutes!

If you are having your ceremony at the same site as your reception, then the venue might even provide a coordinator. These folks are invaluable–they know their venue best and how to make everything flow. Count on them–they might even run the rehearsal for you at no extra charge if you give them the script!

If there’s no coordinator, it’s better to turn the rehearsal over to a friend or relative who is, frankly, a little bossy (mother of the bride is a great choice!). Choose someone who is assertive enough to get everyone to pay attention, but not so overbearing as to put off your wedding party members.

1. Start in the middle

Line up your entire wedding party exactly where they will stand during the ceremony (when the music stops). As the audience sees you, men should be on the right, women on the left. Next to the groom should be the best man, next to the bride will be the maid of honor. Bridesmaids stand to the left of the maid of honor with groomsmen to the right of the best man. Wedding party members should angle their bodies slightly so that they are always facing the bride and groom.

Those on the outside should step forward, if possible, so that the wedding party forms a “V,” with the bride and groom in the middle. Have someone who is not in the wedding watch from the back of the room to make sure everyone is centered and evenly spaced. If you want to be really precise and your venue allows it, you can even place tape on the floor to mark everyone’s spot.

2. Go through the ceremony by section headings only.

It’s not necessary to read the entire ceremony. Your Officiant will be doing it, anyway, so just run through the various elements by their headings.

Determine who will have the rings and how they will be presented to the Officiant, establish the parts of the ceremony when the bride and groom face the Officiant, face each other, or turn toward their guests, if there are ceremony “props,” such as roses you will present to your parents, make sure you know where they will be during the ceremony.

If you’re really nervous about reciting your vows in public, you may want to practice at rehearsal. If you have readers or singers, they might want to work on their piece as well.

3. Practice the recessional first

I admit this sounds illogical, but in fact it makes perfect sense. After the kiss, the bride will get her bouquet from the maid of honor and bride and groom will face their guests. This is traditionally when the Officiant will introduce you as “Mr. and Mrs.” for the first time. The recessional music strikes up and off you go! Best man and maid of honor should wait until the bride and groom are at the back of the room and then the best man can extend his right arm to the maid of honor and they will walk out together.

Subsequent couples should stay put until it is their turn to leave. Personally, we don’t recommend you do the “inching into the center” shuffle. It looks more professional if everyone just waits their turn. Select an agreed-upon distance whereby each couple will exit (for example: when the couple in front gets to the fifth row of chairs, then the next couple goes, etc.). In this manner, each couple will leave in uniform fashion, without bunching up. After the last couple exits, the parents and any people sitting in the front row should immediately follow.

4. Practice the processional last

Now that everyone knows where to stand when they are up in the front, the processional should be a piece of cake. By now, you will have determined who will be in the processional and in what order, so simply line people up accordingly. (Hopefully, it’s on your script!). Then, start walking.

As you did for the recessional, pick a spot at which each couple or person will begin walking (e.g. when the first bridesmaid gets to the front row, the second should begin walking, and when the second gal gets to that same spot, the third gal will go, etc.). That way no one bunches up like Keystone Cops!

The bride and her escort (if there is one) should not enter until the entire wedding party is at the front. Generally, the bride will have a separate piece of music than the rest of the wedding party, so that’s a good clue as to when to start walking. Also, the Officiant will have everyone stand for the bride, so that’s when it’s time to make the grand entrance.

5. The “Hand Off”

This part can be tricky, and if you don’t practice it, it may look awkward. As the bride comes down the aisle, she will be on her father’s left arm. When it’s time for him to be seated, bride should kiss him good-bye. He will then walk behind the bride to his seat (watch out for her train, Dad!).

Bride should hand her flowers to her maid of honor with her left hand. Groom should extend his left hand to the bride, who will take it with her right hand. He will then “draw her in” to face the Officiant. Try it–it’s very fluid once you practice it. At this time, the maid of honor can hand both sets of flowers to the next bridesmaid in line and fix the bride’s train, if needed.

When both parents escort the bride, decide which parent the bride will kiss first. Mom should turn around and walk to her seat (her seat is the aisle seat in the front row on the bride’s side) and Dad will proceed to his seat as outlined above.

6. Tying it all together

Walk through the recessional and processional one more time and you’re done. And don’t get stressed if your groomsmen are clowning around and only half paying attention or your maid of honor is upset because she can’t be escorted by her husband. Everyone always seems to step up when it’s for real!

Wedding Ceremony Components: What Goes Where, and Why

Anyone who’s ever been to a wedding knows that the ceremony consists of a number of elements that traditionally occur in a certain order, but when you’re planning your own wedding, it really helps to know what those elements are, where they belong in the ceremony, and what they’re there for. This can help you clarify which components you want to use in your own wedding, and where they will best fit to give your wedding the “flow” you would like it to have.

Listed below are the most popular ceremony components in the order they usually occur. However, there is no reason you can’t move some (or all) elements around in your own ceremony…or even leave some of them out entirely! Remember, it’s your wedding and it should be about you. Do whatever feels best and whatever makes you happy, in the order that makes the most sense to you!

The Processional (aka, the Walk In or Wedding March)

This is the walk down the aisle of the wedding party to the altar, and symbolically represents two things: the couple’s transition from individual lives to the union of marriage, and the support of the wedding attendants by taking part in the same walk.

The Officiant and the Groom traditionally wait at the altar for the wedding party to walk down the aisle. First, the Groomsmen paired with the Bridesmaids, then by the Maid/Matron of Honor, the Ring Bearer, and the Flower Girl. Lastly come the Bride and her escort (traditionally, her father).

Facing the altar, the women are on the left and the men on the right. Music played for the Processional can be a single selection or, more often, multiple selections (e.g., one for the wedding party and a different one for the Bride)

The Welcome (aka, the Convocation)

The Welcome calls together all in attendance to begin the ceremony. The words spoken at this time welcome and thank the guests as well as introduce the purpose of this gathering. This is also the traditional time to remember and honor friends and relatives who have passed away, along with anyone else who cannot, physically, attend the wedding.

Declaration of Intent (one of two legally required elements)

This element is the “I Do” section of the ceremony. The couple declares their intention to marry, with each answering “I do” or “I will” when asked by the Officiant if it is their desire to make this commitment.

Consent (aka, the “Give Away”)

Here, the Officiant asks others to give their approval or blessing on the ceremony that is about to take place. Traditionally, the father or the parents of the Bride answer “I do,” “We do,” or “Her family,” when asked by the Officiant who is presenting the Bride to be married.

Readings

Readings consist of one or more selections (poems, lyrics, stories, etc.), either religious or non-religious, read aloud during carefully selected moments throughout the ceremony. They are meant to convey a message that resonates with the couple and guides them into marriage. Additional readings may be read by friends and family members to add variety to the ceremony.

This element often shares with the guests, thoughts on the meaning of marriage, and is designed to encourage reflection upon the significance of the commitment. They may also include a historical reflection on the couple’s relationship or the story of how they met and fell in love.

The Wedding Vows

This is the exchange between the couple that expresses the sincere promises they are making to each other regarding their intentions for the marriage. The words spoken at this time should normally not be memorized (the couple will already have more than enough on their mind to remember), but rather, should be read from a card or piece of paper, or repeated after the Officiant.

The Explanation of the Rings

The words spoken at this time describe the history and purpose of exchanging rings and the sentiment the couple wishes to be reminded of as they wear them.

The Ring Exchange

This is the physical exchange of rings, along with a verbal exchange between the couple expressing the significance of this offering. The Ring Vows are normally repeated after the Officiant, but can also be read from a card.

Pronouncement (the second legally required element of the ceremony)

This is the pronouncement that the couple is officially married.

The Kiss

The Kiss symbolically represents the sealing of the promises made during the ceremony.

Closing Blessing (aka, the Benediction)

This optional prayer, or non-religious blessing, is meant to send the couple off into their new future together, and to communicate the hopes and wishes that go with them to that future.

The Presentation

This is the first official introduction of the newly married couple as husband and wife.

The Recessional (aka, the Walk Out)

This is the choreographed walk down the aisle by the wedding party away from the altar after the couple has been presented. It signifies the completion of the ceremony and the beginning of the celebration. Traditionally, the wedding party leaves in reverse order in which they entered, with the Bride and Groom exiting first.

Additional Elements – Wedding Traditions

Additional wedding elements will make your wedding more interesting, more inclusive and (usually) a lot more fun. They can include popular and time-tested traditions such as the Blending of the Sands (Unity Sand Ceremony) and the Unity Candle, along with cultural traditions that incorporate the Bride or Groom’s heritage, such as the Handfasting (Celtic), a Tea Ceremony (Chinese), Jumping the Broom (African), the Coins, Cord and Veil (Hispanic) and the Breaking of the Glass (Jewish).

As Seattle Wedding Officiants, Forever, Together – Where Weddings are a Celebration! is pleased to offer all of these elegant wedding elements, along with many others, at no additional cost to our couples.

No, Grandpa, you CAN’T officiate our wedding!

Reprinted with kind permission of Judith Johnson: Author, Speaker, Life Coach and Interfaith Minister

“If you think a professional is expensive, wait ’til you try an amateur.” – Paul “Red” Adair

There is a popular trend these days to have a friend or family member go online to receive an ordination certificate in a matter of minutes so they can “legally” officiate at your wedding. While on the surface this might sound like a fun idea, a look below the surface reveals some really good reasons why this is NOT a good idea. As an interfaith minister who has been officiating at weddings for over twenty years now and as author of the bestselling book on wedding ceremony design, here are Judith’s three really good reasons why you should hire a seasoned professional to officiate at your ceremony.

Some states do not recognize some online ordination credentials. The last thing you want to find out after your wedding is that you are not legally married. So, tread with caution. It is the state where your ceremony takes place, not the state where you live that has jurisdiction. Just as state laws about who can get married are changing, so are the laws regarding who can officiate at weddings. Not all online ordinations are equally acceptable, so be very specific in researching what sites are and are not acceptable in your state. Keep yourself informed about any changes that occur in these laws during the course of your wedding preparations.

There are a thousand little details that add up to a great ceremony. Which ones are you willing to have overlooked? Why put someone you love in the position of being responsible for something they know nothing about? Why not let your friend or family member enjoy being a guest at your wedding instead of bearing the burden of doing something so important that they know nothing about? Unless your friend or family member happens to already be a member of the clergy, why put this responsibility on them? Most couples and the friends and/or family member they choose to officiate are clueless about what goes into designing a ceremony, running a wedding rehearsal, or officiating at the ceremony. Think about it – would you hire a band for your reception that had never played together before? Would you want your wedding to be their first gig?

There are better, safer options. A seasoned officiant knows the in’s and out’s of advising you on the logistics of your rehearsal and ceremony as well as the design of the text and the ritual itself. They can be a wealth of information and ideas to help you create the ceremony that is perfect for you. They know what works, and what doesn’t.

If you are worried about not belonging to a religious community, not wanting a stranger to officiate at your ceremony, or wanting to have control over what is said at your ceremony – no problem. There are three fabulous resources for finding the right officiant.

The first is to ask your wedding vendors. Typically, your first wedding decision is going to be your wedding date and location. Ask the wedding coordinator at your venue to share their impressions of the officiants on their preferred vendor list and to recommend the ones they think are a good match for you. Call these recommended officiants and/or make appointments to meet. Trust your instincts about who you are comfortable with, how resourceful and flexible they seem to be, and how they react to your story and wishes for your ceremony.

The second resource is to ask around among your friends. Ask your married friends who they had officiate at their ceremony? Were they pleased or not? Why? Ask friends and family if they attended any weddings where the officiant did a really good job.

Third, use regional wedding websites and major wedding websites that have regional vendor listings. Read the listings and reviews on officiants there. One of the most popular sites is http://www.weddingwire.com.

Your wedding ceremony is what your wedding day is all about. Give it the respect and attention it deserves as an expression of what crossing this threshold together really means to you. The person who officiates at your ceremony will have a lot of influence on what will hopefully become a beautiful memory for you. So, be thoughtful and careful in selecting the officiant who is right for you. Be as honest as possible about who you are and who you aren’t. If someone rejects you because they don’t share your beliefs, be glad you didn’t hire them! Just keep looking for the right match. Find someone who is happy for you, is on your wavelength, and gives you confidence that they will help you create a wedding ceremony that exceeds your biggest dreams. You deserve that!

The Secrets to a Successful Marriage?

Every Officiant hears this question occasionally: “What’s the secret to a successful marriage?”  Even after eight years of helping couples get married, I’ve yet to have a satisfactory answer to give. If we ever did find the answer, then we could probably retire to our private island in the Pacific and live out the rest of our lives walking our personal beach, looking for for sand dollars!

A successful marriage is a continuous work in progress, beginning on the first day. No matter what you think you know about your spouse, you’re in for all sorts of surprises along the way. Marriage takes work, time, a sense of humor, and above all, perseverance. There’s no single element that guarantees success, which makes sense. There’s nothing absolute when you’re talking about something as relative as human love.

That said, there are some “best practices” that, if followed, tend to maximize the chances a marriage will be successful.

First, listen to each other. Try to hear what your mate is really saying. The Bible says: “Be quick- to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” What you say and how you say it is the foundation upon which to build your marriage. Say things that will encourage and support your partner. Take those words you hear from each other into your heart and let them become building blocks for a solid marriage, stepping stones to happiness. Communication is very important in marriage. Take the time to talk with each other, but more importantly, take the time to listen, for in listening, you communicate that you value your partner’s thoughts and feelings.

Second, learn from each other. Both of you are different in many ways. You each bring certain abilities and specific gifts into this relationship. Learn what those talents are, then accept each other’s strengths and combine them with yours. Every day will be an adventure as you learn and understand something new about your mate. If you learn from each other, not only will you be better individuals, but also a better couple. Your marriage will grow stronger because of your desire to understand your partner. So take time to learn all you can about each other.

Thirdly, be willing to work on your relationship. Someone once said, “Anything worth having in this life is worth working for.” Make every effort to make this the very best marriage on earth. You don’t find precious gems lying around above ground. You have to dig and work hard to get to them, but once you find them, they are worth the effort. If you work on your relationship, it will be like finding precious gems, and you’ll “strike it rich” from your labor.

Fourth, learn to laugh. Laugh at yourself and laugh at each other. It’s often been said that “laughter is the best medicine.” Getting married is a serious step, and you should take it seriously. However, having fun and being able to laugh at our mistakes and shortcomings goes a long way toward solidifying the mortar that holds together the institution of marriage. Studies show that laughter has a profound and positive effect on the body. Laughter really is the best medicine for a long and happy life. It can be said that he who laughs… lasts, and the best way to make your marriage work is to make it play.

Finally, of course, is love. Countless songs have been sung about it.  Countless poems have been written to describe it. Books as numerous as the stars in the sky have been authored by both men and women trying to help us understand it. The Bible simply defines love this way:

“Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way nor is it irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly ever notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. ‘This kind of love knows no boundaries to its tolerance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope, no limit to its endurance. It can outlast anything. Love is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has failed.”

Edmund O’Neill may have come as close to the “secret” of a successful marriage as anyone, when he wrote that “Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller; memories are fresher; commitment is stronger; even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly. Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, and new ways of expressing love through the seasons of life. When two people pledge to love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique to themselves, which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential, made in the hearts of two people who love, which takes a lifetime to fulfill.”