Anyone who’s ever been to a wedding knows that the ceremony consists of a number of elements that traditionally occur in a certain order, but when you’re planning your own wedding, it really helps to know what those elements are, where they belong in the ceremony, and what they’re there for. This can help you clarify which components you want to use in your own wedding, and where they will best fit to give your wedding the “flow” you would like it to have.
Listed below are the most popular ceremony components in the order they usually occur. However, there is no reason you can’t move some (or all) elements around in your own ceremony…or even leave some of them out entirely! Remember, it’s your wedding and it should be about you. Do whatever feels best and whatever makes you happy, in the order that makes the most sense to you!
The Processional (aka, the Walk In or Wedding March)
This is the walk down the aisle of the wedding party to the altar, and symbolically represents two things: the couple’s transition from individual lives to the union of marriage, and the support of the wedding attendants by taking part in the same walk.
The Officiant and the Groom traditionally wait at the altar for the wedding party to walk down the aisle. First, the Groomsmen paired with the Bridesmaids, then by the Maid/Matron of Honor, the Ring Bearer, and the Flower Girl. Lastly come the Bride and her escort (traditionally, her father).
Facing the altar, the women are on the left and the men on the right. Music played for the Processional can be a single selection or, more often, multiple selections (e.g., one for the wedding party and a different one for the Bride)
The Welcome (aka, the Convocation)
The Welcome calls together all in attendance to begin the ceremony. The words spoken at this time welcome and thank the guests as well as introduce the purpose of this gathering. This is also the traditional time to remember and honor friends and relatives who have passed away, along with anyone else who cannot, physically, attend the wedding.
Declaration of Intent (one of two legally required elements)
This element is the “I Do” section of the ceremony. The couple declares their intention to marry, with each answering “I do” or “I will” when asked by the Officiant if it is their desire to make this commitment.
Consent (aka, the “Give Away”)
Here, the Officiant asks others to give their approval or blessing on the ceremony that is about to take place. Traditionally, the father or the parents of the Bride answer “I do,” “We do,” or “Her family,” when asked by the Officiant who is presenting the Bride to be married.
Readings
Readings consist of one or more selections (poems, lyrics, stories, etc.), either religious or non-religious, read aloud during carefully selected moments throughout the ceremony. They are meant to convey a message that resonates with the couple and guides them into marriage. Additional readings may be read by friends and family members to add variety to the ceremony.
This element often shares with the guests, thoughts on the meaning of marriage, and is designed to encourage reflection upon the significance of the commitment. They may also include a historical reflection on the couple’s relationship or the story of how they met and fell in love.
The Wedding Vows
This is the exchange between the couple that expresses the sincere promises they are making to each other regarding their intentions for the marriage. The words spoken at this time should normally not be memorized (the couple will already have more than enough on their mind to remember), but rather, should be read from a card or piece of paper, or repeated after the Officiant.
The Explanation of the Rings
The words spoken at this time describe the history and purpose of exchanging rings and the sentiment the couple wishes to be reminded of as they wear them.
The Ring Exchange
This is the physical exchange of rings, along with a verbal exchange between the couple expressing the significance of this offering. The Ring Vows are normally repeated after the Officiant, but can also be read from a card.
Pronouncement (the second legally required element of the ceremony)
This is the pronouncement that the couple is officially married.
The Kiss
The Kiss symbolically represents the sealing of the promises made during the ceremony.
Closing Blessing (aka, the Benediction)
This optional prayer, or non-religious blessing, is meant to send the couple off into their new future together, and to communicate the hopes and wishes that go with them to that future.
The Presentation
This is the first official introduction of the newly married couple as husband and wife.
The Recessional (aka, the Walk Out)
This is the choreographed walk down the aisle by the wedding party away from the altar after the couple has been presented. It signifies the completion of the ceremony and the beginning of the celebration. Traditionally, the wedding party leaves in reverse order in which they entered, with the Bride and Groom exiting first.
Additional Elements – Wedding Traditions
Additional wedding elements will make your wedding more interesting, more inclusive and (usually) a lot more fun. They can include popular and time-tested traditions such as the Blending of the Sands (Unity Sand Ceremony) and the Unity Candle, along with cultural traditions that incorporate the Bride or Groom’s heritage, such as the Handfasting (Celtic), a Tea Ceremony (Chinese), Jumping the Broom (African), the Coins, Cord and Veil (Hispanic) and the Breaking of the Glass (Jewish).
As Seattle Wedding Officiants, Forever, Together – Where Weddings are a Celebration! is pleased to offer all of these elegant wedding elements, along with many others, at no additional cost to our couples.
Pagan Weddings – What’s up with that?
Modern Paganism is one of the world’s fastest growing religious bodies. In its simplest definition, Paganism is a modernized recreation of the indigenous spiritual traditions of Europe — basically, it’s a revival of ancient pre-Christian beliefs and practices. However, this is the 21st century. Modern Paganism has been heavily influenced by modern values and ethics, such as feminism and environmentalism.
Don’t worry that you may witness an animal sacrifice at a Pagan ritual; many Pagans are vegan and strong supporters of animal rights!
There is a wide array of religions and spiritual traditions that fall under the Pagan “umbrella,” and yes, some are legally recognized faiths. The main three religions you will find within Paganism are:
What is a handfasting, exactly?
A handfasting is a wedding or betrothal ceremony, and to be handfasted is equivalent to being married or betrothed, but before we get into the details, let’s back up a bit and have a quick history lesson.
In most of pre-Christain Europe, weddings were fairly straightforward affairs, and this was especially true for northern Europe and Celtic lands. Two families came together and they worked out a deal on land ownership and any trading of goods. Then, the couple would exchange gifts, clasp hands, and make oaths of loyalty to each other. Afterward their families and the community they lived in would throw a party and have a feast.
Going to the trouble of a full religious ceremony officiated by a Druid (or someone similar) was typically reserved for people of very high social status. For most people the transition from single to married was a do-it-yourself affair, with the couple’s community acting as witnesses.
As Christianity began to spread across Europe, the new Church lacked the resources to have a clergyman in every rural village and hamlet. As such, the Church would send circuit priests to travel to out-of-the-way parishes during the warmer months.
Obviously, this presented a problem to families who needed to make an alliance with another family or clan. It’s also difficult to ask young people in love to wait so long before they can make a home together. Especially if the young woman was already pregnant! Governments had a similar problem: it was too difficult to provide a judge or magistrate to every little village, let alone manage all the paperwork required for marriage licenses at a time when everything was handwritten on parchment.
So, folks looked back to the traditions of their grandparents and found a compromise. The couple would “self-marry” in the old style when it was convenient for the community. The union would later be formally blessed by the church when the circuit priest came around.
In the Middle Ages, handfasting-type rituals became popular as betrothal rituals. In some parts of Europe, e.g., Scotland, the word “handfasting” was used to say that a couple was engaged. It was more common to hear that a couple was “handfasted” than “betrothed.”
These types of self-uniting marriage traditions lasted well into the colonial era, when settlers in the New World faced difficulties due to long distances and lack of resources.
It was only a couple of hundred years ago that nations began to pass legislation requiring couples to be legally wed via a specific set of rules. In fact, in some parts of the world, self-uniting ceremonies are still perfectly valid and legal.
As modern Paganism began to truly grow in the early-to-mid 20th century, Pagans sought marriage rituals that had historical significance without strong ties to other religions.
Two fit the bill: the tying of hands in the handfasting tradition, and the jumping of the broom.
So is it a real marriage or not?
A Pagan handfasting can be several things, depending on the couple’s wishes. It can be a legal marriage. It can be a commitment ceremony for a common law or civil union. It can be a kind of trial marriage for a couple who wish to ease into married life. It can be a formal betrothal.
The ceremony can be led by an officiant, Pagan clergy, a friend, or be a self uniting-ritual. Sometimes, due to the small size of their religious body, it can be difficult to find a clergy member who is also a legal officiant. As such, Pagans who wish to become legally married will often “get legalled” before or after the wedding. They will have the legal paperwork and requirements taken care of at the local clerk’s office or other government-specified office.
What can I expect to see during the ceremony?
You may be surprised at how familiar much of the ceremony will be. There will be vows. You might see a bride in a white dress. You may see a wine blessing, or the sharing of a loving cup by the couple. You may see a bride wearing a veil; after all, this practice goes all the way back to ancient Pagan Rome, when brides wore brightly colored veils to protect themselves from evil spirits. You will probably see the couple exchanging rings or some other token of their love, such as necklaces. Rings and other jewelry have been used for the purpose of binding people to an oath since at least the Iron Age. You may see the lighting of candles, possibly even a unity candle ceremony.
Next: Pagan weddings: Things that could be unfamiliar to you.
Cheap Wedding Decorations
(Reprinted with sincere thanks to Casey Slide. (Originally posted in MoneyCrashers. ) Whether it’s in a big, elegant church, or a rustic, old garden, or at a white, sandy beach, the backdrop and decorations of a wedding ceremony can really make a lasting impression. And luckily, a pretty ceremony doesn’t have to cost a fortune. When it comes to ceremony decorating, less tends to be more. Additionally, you can save some money by being creative and keeping it simple. Here are some great ideas for cheap wedding decorations that will help you stick to your budget.
Saving Money on Ceremony Decorations at a Church
If you’re getting married in a church, see what decorations they have for you to use. Many have candelabras which can add sophistication to your ceremony. Also, you may not have to decorate at all if you plan to get married during Christmas or Easter time when churches are already adorned with flowers and greenery.
Candles are a lot cheaper than wedding flower arrangements, and can often be more romantic. Use them at the altar, to line the aisle (make sure they’re in fireproof bags or enclosed in glass to prevent fire hazards), or even in place of bouquets.
In the royal wedding of Prince William and Kate Middleton, they lined the aisle of the beautiful Westminster Abbey with big, potted trees creating an English garden atmosphere. You can do something similar by bringing some potted plants from home or borrowing a few from a friend.
There are so many fun things that you can do with tulle to decorate, but here are two of my favorites. The first thing you can do is create a canopy effect with the tulle. Have a few friends hang some from the center of the ceiling and then drape it down to the corners of the altar or stage. To complement the tulle canopy, use tulle to make bows to put on the pews or rows of chairs.
If you have a beautiful wedding venue already, there is no need to go overboard with your decorations. Perhaps all you need is a simple arrangement at the altar.
This is a fun and easy project that can be done in less than one hour. Go to a craft store and buy a plain, white candle that is at least two inches in diameter. You will also need to buy a ribbon (at least two inches wide) and some sequins. To assemble your own unity candle, glue the ribbon around the bottom of the candle and then glue the sequins on the front of the candle so that they spell the first letter of the groom’s last name.
My parents live near the beach down in Florida, and my mom’s favorite activity is to go shelling. She goes at least once a week to look for beautiful and unique shells. It wasn’t long before my mom had collected thousands of shells, so many, in fact, that she didn’t know what to do with them all. If you have access to free shells, put them in clear vases or hurricanes to be used as wedding decorations. Although shells would be a great addition to a wedding near the ocean, they would also be a beautiful added surprise to a landlocked wedding as well.
Even if you do not have a flower girl, you can still throw down some flower petals along the aisle. This can be done as part of the decorating process before the guests arrive. Flower petals are inexpensive to buy compared to actual flower arrangements, so if you really want flowers but don’t want to spend the money, this is a great way to add them into the decoration of your ceremony.
Saving Money on Ceremony Decorations Outdoors
Outdoor garden, beach, or mountain weddings are already decorated for you. For example, if you’re getting married at a farm, throw down some hay bales for seating and you’ve got a rustic, but romantic aisle to walk down. If you want a garden wedding, make sure you get married in the spring when all the flowers are in full bloom.
There needs to be some sort of focal point that you and your spouse-to-be meet at to be wedded. The focal point will act as a frame around the event. Some of the most common options are arches and gazebos. First check to see if you will have one provided to you by your venue. If not, you can buy one, rent one, or make one. Unless you are a carpenter or a handyman, you should probably opt to rent one. I suggest renting an arch since they are typically cheaper than gazebos and look just as nice.
If you are getting wed in the evening, white Christmas lights are a must. And if you’re renting an archway, it would be the perfect place for the lights. Also consider hanging lights in some of the trees if you will be in an outdoor setting.
This may seem obvious, but if you are getting married in a backyard, start working on the lawn early to ensure that it will be ready in time for the big day. If the yard is kept up with regularly, it will look better for the wedding. Also, start early to plan out what flowers and plants you want to feature. Planting bulbs months in advance will save you from buying more expensive flowers to plant the week before the wedding.
I went to a wedding not too long ago that had an amazing “Zen” theme throughout. Some of the decorations included paper parasols, lanterns, and bonsai trees. They even had rock gardens as the wedding reception centerpieces to complete the theme. What’s great about using a theme is that you only need a few elements to make a big impact on the overall impression of the ceremony.
In addition to white Christmas lights or candles, other ways to light up your evening are to use luminaries, torches, and lanterns. Use what is most appropriate given your particular wedding venue. Also, keep in mind whether or not children will be at your wedding and if it would cause any issues to have open flames.
Although this may sound childish, bubbles can actually add an elegant touch if done correctly. If you’re going to use a bubble machine, make sure that the machine is out of sight and that the bubbles are not coming out too quickly or too slowly. Also make sure that the bubble machine is not too noisy.
The Last Word
The key to successful wedding ceremony decor is simplicity. Clean, elegant flower arrangements, a few strategically placed candles or some potted plants to add a little greenery are all you need to create a romantic and memorable ceremony. Less is more – which ultimately means more money for the honeymoon!
Writing Thank You Notes
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When writing wedding thank you cards, it’s easy to get stumped on what to say, particularly when you don’t know the person well or when you just don’t like the wedding gift. Don’t get tripped up on writing thank you cards. Planning the wedding – the hard part – is over. This is the easy part. There are a variety of thank you cards options to choose from. Pick a set of cards that best represents you as a couple or matches your wedding theme.
Here are some more tips to writing great thank-you cards for your wedding gifts (with thanks to Martha Stewart Weddings).
Getting Organized
Buy thank-you cards early (if you’re having them printed, it’s often cheaper to order them along with your other wedding stationery), so you have them on hand. Set up a log when you begin addressing your invitations to help keep track of the correct spelling of names, mailing addresses, and phone numbers. Use the list to record guests’ responses and, ultimately, gifts they give you. Store the information on a computer, in a binder, or on index cards.
Keeping Track!
When you open presents, immediately record who gave you what, either in your log or right on the gift cards, which you could keep together in a specially designated box. Despite your best efforts, a few gifts may become separated from their cards. If the gift was from your registry, call the store to see if it has a record of who purchased it. If not, you may have to try figuring it out by the process of elimination.
What’s the Time Frame?
Ideally, you should acknowledge every present immediately, but sending it within two weeks is also acceptable. The period surrounding your wedding is a busy time; if you fall behind, make every effort to send a thank you as soon as you can — but no later than three months after the event.
To ensure the task doesn’t become too overwhelming, write notes in small batches. Diane Warner, author of “Contemporary Guide to Wedding Etiquette” (Career Press; 2005), offers this strategy: “Set a goal of writing three or four thank-you notes per day. Don’t try to tackle them all at once, otherwise they may tend to start sounding trite.” She also recommends that both the bride and the groom divide the note-writing duties.
What Should Your Thank-You Notes Look Like?
For weddings, the most traditional thank-you cards are white or ecru and measure approximately 3 1/2 by 5 inches, with a top fold. They can be monogrammed or embossed with a motif you’ve used on other decorations. With a monogram, remember that it’s improper to adopt your married moniker until after the ceremony. You might combine the initials of your first names instead, or use different cards for thank-you notes that are sent out before the wedding date.
How to Save Money
You can save money by dressing up plain cards and making your own notes. Another alternative is to turn a photo from your wedding day into thank-you postcards. Your photographer may offer them (keep in mind that it takes time for him to produce them), or you can make them yourself (just be sure you have the photographer’s permission).
Who Should Write Them?
It is customary for just one person to write and sign each note, mentioning his or her spouse’s appreciation (“Karen and I want to thank you…. Love, David”). However, coauthored notes, signed by both the bride and groom, are also acceptable. One easy way to share the work is for the bride to write to her own family members and friends, and the groom to his.
What Should the Message Say?
You don’t need to write a lot — four or five sentences will suffice — as long as what you do express is heartfelt. Identify the gift, say why you appreciate it, why it has a personal meaning for you, and how you plan to use it. If the giver came to the wedding, especially from a distance, also include a sentence thanking him for attending: “Thank you for coming to our wedding. Your presence made our day extra-special. David and I love the coffee maker. We’ve used it every day since we got back from our honeymoon. Thanks so much.” For cash gifts, you need not mention the dollar amount, but it’s a nice touch to say how you plan to spend the money.
What Should the Sign-Off Be?
The sign-off should reflect your relationship to the recipient. “Love” is suitable for close friends and family; “with affection” is a slightly less intimate option; “sincerely” may be the most appropriate when you’re writing to someone such as your manager at work. You needn’t sign off with your full names with people you’re close to, but you may want to use them in thank-you notes to business associates and friends of your parents. Trust your instincts: If using your surname feels cold or stiff, leave it out. If your message sounds overly familiar without it, then include it.
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Cost-Cutting Ideas: Conducting Your Own Wedding Rehearsal
One thing that can substantially raise the fee charged by your wedding Officiant is the need to have him or her conduct your rehearsal. This is a justifiable expense – the Officiant may have passed up another wedding to conduct your rehearsal – but it’s also an expense that the bride and groom don’t always need to incur. It’s actually pretty easy to run your own rehearsal without your Officiant in attendance.
At Forever, Together, as Seattle wedding officiants we’re more than happy to conduct rehearsal for you on a separate day…if you decide you need one. However, for a small wedding, or a very simple ceremony, rehearsal can be D.I.Y., leaving you with more “scratch” to spend on your honeymoon in Vegas!
This may seem a daunting task, especially if you don’t think of yourself as the “managerial” type, but there are some simple steps you can do to make it easier. First of all, we’ll assume that you have worked with your Officiant and have at least a draft of your ceremony (if you don’t, then you should!). Armed with your wedding script, follow the steps below and you’ll have a run-through that moves along smoothly…and gets everyone to the rehearsal dinner in around 30 minutes!
If you are having your ceremony at the same site as your reception, then the venue might even provide a coordinator. These folks are invaluable–they know their venue best and how to make everything flow. Count on them–they might even run the rehearsal for you at no extra charge if you give them the script!
If there’s no coordinator, it’s better to turn the rehearsal over to a friend or relative who is, frankly, a little bossy (mother of the bride is a great choice!). Choose someone who is assertive enough to get everyone to pay attention, but not so overbearing as to put off your wedding party members.
1. Start in the middle
Line up your entire wedding party exactly where they will stand during the ceremony (when the music stops). As the audience sees you, men should be on the right, women on the left. Next to the groom should be the best man, next to the bride will be the maid of honor. Bridesmaids stand to the left of the maid of honor with groomsmen to the right of the best man. Wedding party members should angle their bodies slightly so that they are always facing the bride and groom.
Those on the outside should step forward, if possible, so that the wedding party forms a “V,” with the bride and groom in the middle. Have someone who is not in the wedding watch from the back of the room to make sure everyone is centered and evenly spaced. If you want to be really precise and your venue allows it, you can even place tape on the floor to mark everyone’s spot.
2. Go through the ceremony by section headings only.
It’s not necessary to read the entire ceremony. Your Officiant will be doing it, anyway, so just run through the various elements by their headings.
Determine who will have the rings and how they will be presented to the Officiant, establish the parts of the ceremony when the bride and groom face the Officiant, face each other, or turn toward their guests, if there are ceremony “props,” such as roses you will present to your parents, make sure you know where they will be during the ceremony.
If you’re really nervous about reciting your vows in public, you may want to practice at rehearsal. If you have readers or singers, they might want to work on their piece as well.
3. Practice the recessional first
I admit this sounds illogical, but in fact it makes perfect sense. After the kiss, the bride will get her bouquet from the maid of honor and bride and groom will face their guests. This is traditionally when the Officiant will introduce you as “Mr. and Mrs.” for the first time. The recessional music strikes up and off you go! Best man and maid of honor should wait until the bride and groom are at the back of the room and then the best man can extend his right arm to the maid of honor and they will walk out together.
Subsequent couples should stay put until it is their turn to leave. Personally, we don’t recommend you do the “inching into the center” shuffle. It looks more professional if everyone just waits their turn. Select an agreed-upon distance whereby each couple will exit (for example: when the couple in front gets to the fifth row of chairs, then the next couple goes, etc.). In this manner, each couple will leave in uniform fashion, without bunching up. After the last couple exits, the parents and any people sitting in the front row should immediately follow.
4. Practice the processional last
Now that everyone knows where to stand when they are up in the front, the processional should be a piece of cake. By now, you will have determined who will be in the processional and in what order, so simply line people up accordingly. (Hopefully, it’s on your script!). Then, start walking.
As you did for the recessional, pick a spot at which each couple or person will begin walking (e.g. when the first bridesmaid gets to the front row, the second should begin walking, and when the second gal gets to that same spot, the third gal will go, etc.). That way no one bunches up like Keystone Cops!
The bride and her escort (if there is one) should not enter until the entire wedding party is at the front. Generally, the bride will have a separate piece of music than the rest of the wedding party, so that’s a good clue as to when to start walking. Also, the Officiant will have everyone stand for the bride, so that’s when it’s time to make the grand entrance.
5. The “Hand Off”
This part can be tricky, and if you don’t practice it, it may look awkward. As the bride comes down the aisle, she will be on her father’s left arm. When it’s time for him to be seated, bride should kiss him good-bye. He will then walk behind the bride to his seat (watch out for her train, Dad!).
Bride should hand her flowers to her maid of honor with her left hand. Groom should extend his left hand to the bride, who will take it with her right hand. He will then “draw her in” to face the Officiant. Try it–it’s very fluid once you practice it. At this time, the maid of honor can hand both sets of flowers to the next bridesmaid in line and fix the bride’s train, if needed.
When both parents escort the bride, decide which parent the bride will kiss first. Mom should turn around and walk to her seat (her seat is the aisle seat in the front row on the bride’s side) and Dad will proceed to his seat as outlined above.
6. Tying it all together
Walk through the recessional and processional one more time and you’re done. And don’t get stressed if your groomsmen are clowning around and only half paying attention or your maid of honor is upset because she can’t be escorted by her husband. Everyone always seems to step up when it’s for real!
Wedding Ceremony Components: What Goes Where, and Why
Anyone who’s ever been to a wedding knows that the ceremony consists of a number of elements that traditionally occur in a certain order, but when you’re planning your own wedding, it really helps to know what those elements are, where they belong in the ceremony, and what they’re there for. This can help you clarify which components you want to use in your own wedding, and where they will best fit to give your wedding the “flow” you would like it to have.
Listed below are the most popular ceremony components in the order they usually occur. However, there is no reason you can’t move some (or all) elements around in your own ceremony…or even leave some of them out entirely! Remember, it’s your wedding and it should be about you. Do whatever feels best and whatever makes you happy, in the order that makes the most sense to you!
The Processional (aka, the Walk In or Wedding March)
This is the walk down the aisle of the wedding party to the altar, and symbolically represents two things: the couple’s transition from individual lives to the union of marriage, and the support of the wedding attendants by taking part in the same walk.
The Officiant and the Groom traditionally wait at the altar for the wedding party to walk down the aisle. First, the Groomsmen paired with the Bridesmaids, then by the Maid/Matron of Honor, the Ring Bearer, and the Flower Girl. Lastly come the Bride and her escort (traditionally, her father).
Facing the altar, the women are on the left and the men on the right. Music played for the Processional can be a single selection or, more often, multiple selections (e.g., one for the wedding party and a different one for the Bride)
The Welcome (aka, the Convocation)
The Welcome calls together all in attendance to begin the ceremony. The words spoken at this time welcome and thank the guests as well as introduce the purpose of this gathering. This is also the traditional time to remember and honor friends and relatives who have passed away, along with anyone else who cannot, physically, attend the wedding.
Declaration of Intent (one of two legally required elements)
This element is the “I Do” section of the ceremony. The couple declares their intention to marry, with each answering “I do” or “I will” when asked by the Officiant if it is their desire to make this commitment.
Consent (aka, the “Give Away”)
Here, the Officiant asks others to give their approval or blessing on the ceremony that is about to take place. Traditionally, the father or the parents of the Bride answer “I do,” “We do,” or “Her family,” when asked by the Officiant who is presenting the Bride to be married.
Readings
Readings consist of one or more selections (poems, lyrics, stories, etc.), either religious or non-religious, read aloud during carefully selected moments throughout the ceremony. They are meant to convey a message that resonates with the couple and guides them into marriage. Additional readings may be read by friends and family members to add variety to the ceremony.
This element often shares with the guests, thoughts on the meaning of marriage, and is designed to encourage reflection upon the significance of the commitment. They may also include a historical reflection on the couple’s relationship or the story of how they met and fell in love.
The Wedding Vows
This is the exchange between the couple that expresses the sincere promises they are making to each other regarding their intentions for the marriage. The words spoken at this time should normally not be memorized (the couple will already have more than enough on their mind to remember), but rather, should be read from a card or piece of paper, or repeated after the Officiant.
The Explanation of the Rings
The words spoken at this time describe the history and purpose of exchanging rings and the sentiment the couple wishes to be reminded of as they wear them.
The Ring Exchange
This is the physical exchange of rings, along with a verbal exchange between the couple expressing the significance of this offering. The Ring Vows are normally repeated after the Officiant, but can also be read from a card.
Pronouncement (the second legally required element of the ceremony)
This is the pronouncement that the couple is officially married.
The Kiss
The Kiss symbolically represents the sealing of the promises made during the ceremony.
Closing Blessing (aka, the Benediction)
This optional prayer, or non-religious blessing, is meant to send the couple off into their new future together, and to communicate the hopes and wishes that go with them to that future.
The Presentation
This is the first official introduction of the newly married couple as husband and wife.
The Recessional (aka, the Walk Out)
This is the choreographed walk down the aisle by the wedding party away from the altar after the couple has been presented. It signifies the completion of the ceremony and the beginning of the celebration. Traditionally, the wedding party leaves in reverse order in which they entered, with the Bride and Groom exiting first.
Additional Elements – Wedding Traditions
Additional wedding elements will make your wedding more interesting, more inclusive and (usually) a lot more fun. They can include popular and time-tested traditions such as the Blending of the Sands (Unity Sand Ceremony) and the Unity Candle, along with cultural traditions that incorporate the Bride or Groom’s heritage, such as the Handfasting (Celtic), a Tea Ceremony (Chinese), Jumping the Broom (African), the Coins, Cord and Veil (Hispanic) and the Breaking of the Glass (Jewish).
As Seattle Wedding Officiants, Forever, Together – Where Weddings are a Celebration! is pleased to offer all of these elegant wedding elements, along with many others, at no additional cost to our couples.
No, Grandpa, you CAN’T officiate our wedding!
Reprinted with kind permission of Judith Johnson: Author, Speaker, Life Coach and Interfaith Minister
“If you think a professional is expensive, wait ’til you try an amateur.” – Paul “Red” Adair
There is a popular trend these days to have a friend or family member go online to receive an ordination certificate in a matter of minutes so they can “legally” officiate at your wedding. While on the surface this might sound like a fun idea, a look below the surface reveals some really good reasons why this is NOT a good idea. As an interfaith minister who has been officiating at weddings for over twenty years now and as author of the bestselling book on wedding ceremony design, here are Judith’s three really good reasons why you should hire a seasoned professional to officiate at your ceremony.
Some states do not recognize some online ordination credentials. The last thing you want to find out after your wedding is that you are not legally married. So, tread with caution. It is the state where your ceremony takes place, not the state where you live that has jurisdiction. Just as state laws about who can get married are changing, so are the laws regarding who can officiate at weddings. Not all online ordinations are equally acceptable, so be very specific in researching what sites are and are not acceptable in your state. Keep yourself informed about any changes that occur in these laws during the course of your wedding preparations.
There are a thousand little details that add up to a great ceremony. Which ones are you willing to have overlooked? Why put someone you love in the position of being responsible for something they know nothing about? Why not let your friend or family member enjoy being a guest at your wedding instead of bearing the burden of doing something so important that they know nothing about? Unless your friend or family member happens to already be a member of the clergy, why put this responsibility on them? Most couples and the friends and/or family member they choose to officiate are clueless about what goes into designing a ceremony, running a wedding rehearsal, or officiating at the ceremony. Think about it – would you hire a band for your reception that had never played together before? Would you want your wedding to be their first gig?
There are better, safer options. A seasoned officiant knows the in’s and out’s of advising you on the logistics of your rehearsal and ceremony as well as the design of the text and the ritual itself. They can be a wealth of information and ideas to help you create the ceremony that is perfect for you. They know what works, and what doesn’t.
If you are worried about not belonging to a religious community, not wanting a stranger to officiate at your ceremony, or wanting to have control over what is said at your ceremony – no problem. There are three fabulous resources for finding the right officiant.
The first is to ask your wedding vendors. Typically, your first wedding decision is going to be your wedding date and location. Ask the wedding coordinator at your venue to share their impressions of the officiants on their preferred vendor list and to recommend the ones they think are a good match for you. Call these recommended officiants and/or make appointments to meet. Trust your instincts about who you are comfortable with, how resourceful and flexible they seem to be, and how they react to your story and wishes for your ceremony.
The second resource is to ask around among your friends. Ask your married friends who they had officiate at their ceremony? Were they pleased or not? Why? Ask friends and family if they attended any weddings where the officiant did a really good job.
Third, use regional wedding websites and major wedding websites that have regional vendor listings. Read the listings and reviews on officiants there. One of the most popular sites is http://www.weddingwire.com.
Your wedding ceremony is what your wedding day is all about. Give it the respect and attention it deserves as an expression of what crossing this threshold together really means to you. The person who officiates at your ceremony will have a lot of influence on what will hopefully become a beautiful memory for you. So, be thoughtful and careful in selecting the officiant who is right for you. Be as honest as possible about who you are and who you aren’t. If someone rejects you because they don’t share your beliefs, be glad you didn’t hire them! Just keep looking for the right match. Find someone who is happy for you, is on your wavelength, and gives you confidence that they will help you create a wedding ceremony that exceeds your biggest dreams. You deserve that!
The Secrets to a Successful Marriage?
Every Officiant hears this question occasionally: “What’s the secret to a successful marriage?” Even after eight years of helping couples get married, I’ve yet to have a satisfactory answer to give. If we ever did find the answer, then we could probably retire to our private island in the Pacific and live out the rest of our lives walking our personal beach, looking for for sand dollars!
A successful marriage is a continuous work in progress, beginning on the first day. No matter what you think you know about your spouse, you’re in for all sorts of surprises along the way. Marriage takes work, time, a sense of humor, and above all, perseverance. There’s no single element that guarantees success, which makes sense. There’s nothing absolute when you’re talking about something as relative as human love.
That said, there are some “best practices” that, if followed, tend to maximize the chances a marriage will be successful.
First, listen to each other. Try to hear what your mate is really saying. The Bible says: “Be quick- to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger.” What you say and how you say it is the foundation upon which to build your marriage. Say things that will encourage and support your partner. Take those words you hear from each other into your heart and let them become building blocks for a solid marriage, stepping stones to happiness. Communication is very important in marriage. Take the time to talk with each other, but more importantly, take the time to listen, for in listening, you communicate that you value your partner’s thoughts and feelings.
Second, learn from each other. Both of you are different in many ways. You each bring certain abilities and specific gifts into this relationship. Learn what those talents are, then accept each other’s strengths and combine them with yours. Every day will be an adventure as you learn and understand something new about your mate. If you learn from each other, not only will you be better individuals, but also a better couple. Your marriage will grow stronger because of your desire to understand your partner. So take time to learn all you can about each other.
Thirdly, be willing to work on your relationship. Someone once said, “Anything worth having in this life is worth working for.” Make every effort to make this the very best marriage on earth. You don’t find precious gems lying around above ground. You have to dig and work hard to get to them, but once you find them, they are worth the effort. If you work on your relationship, it will be like finding precious gems, and you’ll “strike it rich” from your labor.
Fourth, learn to laugh. Laugh at yourself and laugh at each other. It’s often been said that “laughter is the best medicine.” Getting married is a serious step, and you should take it seriously. However, having fun and being able to laugh at our mistakes and shortcomings goes a long way toward solidifying the mortar that holds together the institution of marriage. Studies show that laughter has a profound and positive effect on the body. Laughter really is the best medicine for a long and happy life. It can be said that he who laughs… lasts, and the best way to make your marriage work is to make it play.
Finally, of course, is love. Countless songs have been sung about it. Countless poems have been written to describe it. Books as numerous as the stars in the sky have been authored by both men and women trying to help us understand it. The Bible simply defines love this way:
“Love is very patient and kind, never jealous or envious, never boastful or proud, never haughty or selfish or rude. Love does not demand its own way nor is it irritable or touchy. It does not hold grudges and will hardly ever notice when others do it wrong. It is never glad about injustice, but rejoices whenever truth wins out. ‘This kind of love knows no boundaries to its tolerance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope, no limit to its endurance. It can outlast anything. Love is, in fact, the one thing that still stands when all else has failed.”
Edmund O’Neill may have come as close to the “secret” of a successful marriage as anyone, when he wrote that “Marriage deepens and enriches every facet of life. Happiness is fuller; memories are fresher; commitment is stronger; even anger is felt more strongly, and passes away more quickly. Marriage understands and forgives the mistakes life is unable to avoid. It encourages and nurtures new life, new experiences, and new ways of expressing love through the seasons of life. When two people pledge to love and care for each other in marriage, they create a spirit unique to themselves, which binds them closer than any spoken or written words. Marriage is a promise, a potential, made in the hearts of two people who love, which takes a lifetime to fulfill.”
Summer Weddings – Beat the heat!
Nothing evokes a festive mood like triple-digit temps and man-eating mosquitoes!
Your wedding planning may have you worrying about the elements, but there are lots of strategies for surviving warm weather weddings without feeling like you’re stuck in the Sahara.
What to Wear
In hot and humid temperatures, walking the line between overheating and looking inappropriate is tricky. Your best bet is to err on the side of caution, says the author of over thirty wedding books.
“Even at an outdoor wedding, guests should try to adhere to the wedding formality dress rules,” she says.
This means women should wear formal or semi-formal dresses, but can opt for lightweight fabrics, like linen or silk chiffon, and breezier cuts, like Grecian-style “goddess” silhouettes. At minimum, men should wear a button-down shirt and tie with suit pants, but can remove the jacket and tie for comfort.
Plus, it never hurts to check with the newlyweds-to-be. “Guests can absolutely call or e-mail the bride and groom to ask about the dress code,” she adds.
If you’re like one gentleman, who served as best man in a beach side summer wedding a few years ago, just take a cue from the couple. “I was in a full tux, but everyone in the wedding party — including the bride and groom — was barefoot, so I went sans socks and shoes and wore the legs of my trousers rolled,” he says.
In theory, an outdoor wedding on the lake sounds like a romantic moment. In reality, the guests can be eaten alive by insects long before the cake is cut.
Outdoor Obstacles
Luckily, there’s a more subtle way to take care of the problem than lugging along an economy-size citronella candle. Take preventative measures by covering exposed skin with a bug deterrent that contains eucalyptus oil or lemongrass oil, which are natural bug repellents.
Also, make sure to wear sunscreen, as having red, burned skin at the reception is sure to make you even more miserable!
Airborne allergens pose another potential pitfall. If your allergies are severe, check with your doctor. To deal with runny noses, take along a handkerchief or a pack of travel tissues.
Beating the Heat
Tissues and handkerchiefs also can combat the inevitable perspiring that comes with high temperatures. One best man was fighting to stay on his two feet in the 95-degree heat of a stiflingly hot church that lacked air conditioning.
“It wasn’t so bad when we were sitting in the back before the service, but once we were standing up front, it was like a Swedish sauna — without the jump in the snow afterwards,” he remembers. “We had no programs, no fans, and we couldn’t take off our jackets or ties.”
This savvy participant was wise enough to grab a paper towel from the bathroom before the ceremony, but when that no longer worked it was all he could do to stay conscious. “Luckily, one of the bridesmaids went down before I did,” he laughs. “Kind of took the pressure off.”
After the ceremony, drink iced liquids, drench your face with cold water and change out of dampened clothes if you can. Hopefully, and most likely, the reception will be more casual and you can take off your jacket and tie. You might even get to enjoy some air-conditioning!
All you need is love…right? Maybe not
Researchers in Australia may have figured out what it takes to keep a couple together…and it’s a lot more than just being in love.
A couple’s age, previous relationships, even whether they smoke or not, all have an influence on whether or not their marriage will last, according to a recent Australian study on marriage longevity.
The study, called “What’s Love Got to Do With It?” followed over 2,000 couples who were either married or living together, for six years from 2001 to 2007, to identify factors associated with those who stayed together, compared with those who divorced or separated.
Among the things they discovered: a husband who is nine or more years older than his wife is twice as likely to get a divorce. This also applies to husbands who marry before age 25.
Children definitely influence the longevity of a marriage. One-fifth of couples who have kids before marriage — either from a previous relationship, or in the same relationship — end up separating, compared to just 9% of those couples who have no children until after they marry.
Women who want children significantly more than their partners are also more likely to divorce.
The in-laws also have a role to play in a couple’s relationship. The study showed that 16% of men and women whose parents separated or divorced experienced marital difficulties themselves, compared to just 10% for couples whose parents stayed together, happily or not.
Couples in which one or both spouses are on their second or third marriage are 90% more likely to separate than couples who are both in their first marriage.
Not surprisingly, money also has an effect. Up to 16% of those who indicated they were poor, or that the husband (but not the wife) was unemployed, separated, compared with only 9% of couples in relatively good financial shape.
Surprisingly, couples in which only one partner is a smoker are also more likely to have the relationship end in failure.
The factors that the study found do not significantly increase separation risk included: the number and age of children born to a married couple, the wife’s employment status and the number of years the couple had been employed.
The study was jointly written by researchers from The Australian National University, and the Department of Families, Housing, Community Services and Indigenous Affairs.
Make Room for Doggy! Including Pets in your Wedding
It’s no surprise that many couples want to include their pets in their weddings. What’s cuter than a dog in a tuxedo (even if that is considered animal cruelty by some :-)
“A pet plays an important role in a couple’s life and for many pet parents, family festivities would not be complete without their pet’s involvement,” said John D’Ariano, President of the National Association of Professional Pet Sitters (NAPPS). “As a result, it’s becoming more common for couples to customize their wedding parties to include family, friends, and furry companions.”
If you’ve decided to include your pet, you should take a few precautions. Here are some tips on how to keep both you and your pet safe and happy during the wedding festivities.
Consider Your Pet’s Personality
A pet can be a guest of honor and simply stand with the wedding party during the ceremony, or your pet can have a specific role (ring bearer or flower girl are common roles) in the ceremony. But before giving your pet a starring role, think about whether this will be an enjoyable experience for him. Will your pet feel comfortable around your guests? Is he obedient and well behaved? There’s no guarantee that your pet will behave exactly how you want him to on the day of the wedding. Even the most outgoing and friendly pet can be overwhelmed by a crowd of guests, according to NAPPS.
To make sure that your pet has enough time to develop a level of comfort around your guests, consider hiring a pet sitter, who will act as your pet’s guide. And if your pet is especially skittish, consider having someone carry him or letting him ride in a wagon. And if he’s overly affectionate or easily distracted, be sure to use a short leash.
Make Sure Pets are Allowed
You don’t want to show up on the day of your wedding, doggy ring-bearer in tow, only to be told that he needs to get off the property right now! Can’t bring your pet? You can still include her in the wedding (see below)!
Include Daisy in the After-Wedding Photos
Or in your engagement photos! At the reception, include photos of your pet on your table number cards, or make your wedding favors in tribute to your beloved pooch.
Don’t Sacrifice Safety for Style
Planning on dressing your pooch in a tux? Make sure it fits properly and doesn’t create any discomfort for your pet. Keep the accessories simple—a bowtie or flower attached to the collar is a fun way to deck out your pet. Ensure that any accessories can’t come loose and pose a choking hazard to your pet. Be sure none of the flowers or plants at your wedding are toxic to your pet.
Let the Guests Know
This is important! Include this information on your wedding website (and even in your invitations) so anyone with allergies (or animal phobias) can plan accordingly.
Inform Your Photographer
This will help your photographer prepare for those unplanned moments, like when Tiger leaps up to kiss you in the middle of reciting your vows. Your photographer can also help you compose some fun photo ideas with your pets for after the ceremony.
Designate (or Delegate) a Pet Sitter
Don’t add to your worries on the day of your wedding. Hire a pet sitter (or shanghai an idle friend or relative) to be responsible for getting your pet to the ceremony, getting her home afterwards, and watching her during the reception. You don’t need to worry about who’s feeding the dog (or keeping him away from the chocolate).
Cats and Dogs Aren’t the Only Pets You Can Include!
Love your horse? Ride into the ceremony on her, or, head over to the stables after the ceremony for some photos. Bring your bunny for some pretty bridal portraits. Have a pet owl? How about training him to fly in with the rings tied to his leg?