The Blessing Stones – A Lovely and Unusual Wedding Tradition

“My wish isn’t to mean everything to everyone, but something to someone.” – Oscar Wilde

The ritual of the Blessing, or Wishing Stones, as they are sometimes called, is a wonderful way to include everyone in the wedding by way of offering blessings and good wishes to the newlyweds. It also is a good way to ensure that everyone makes contact with the Bride and Groom at some point during the day. This tradition may be performed during the actual ceremony itself (before the blessing), at the conclusion of the service (in a receiving line manner), or at the reception.

When the guests arrive at the ceremony, they are given a “Blessing Stone,” usually a round, flat and dark-colored stone, along with a small note card with words printed on it such as: `My wish for you is…” or “May you be blessed with…” or “May God bless you with…”

During the ceremony, the Officiant explains the significance of the Blessing Stones.

“We all recognize that today is a very blessed occasion in the lives of (Groom) and (Bride). You have been invited here today because of your special relationship with them. When you arrived, you received a stone along with a note card. The stones are called “Blessing Stones.”

Since we all wish nothing but the best that life has to offer this couple, I’d like to ask each of you to complete the sentence on the card and sign your name, so your best wishes and your blessings for the bride and groom may always be a reminder of your love for them on this day of celebration.”

At some point (either during or after the ceremony), the guests share their blessing or wish with the newlyweds and toss the Blessing Stone into a “Blessing Bowl,” a “Wishing Well,” or whatever vessel is used to contain the water.

After the guests have disposed of their Blessing Stones, they place their “love notes” into a basket or box for the couple to reflect on at a later time. Many couples keep the Blessing Stones in a special place in their home (a vase of flowers, around a candle, in an aquarium, etc.) to remind them of all the love, good wishes, and blessings they share because of their family and friends.

A variation of this tradition would be at an outdoor wedding near a body of water (lake, pond, ocean, etc.) or fountain. Stones are either gathered at the site or provided for the guests. After the ceremony, everyone follows the wedding party’s recessional to the water, makes a wish or blessing for the couple, and casts their stone into the water.

The Officiant then says, “The ripples that are made in the water represent the love and good wishes not only for this couple, but for all the world. For as our ripples cross and recross one another’s, so our love and good wishes touch and retouch all those around us and all those with whom we come into contact throughout our lives.” (This may also be said during an indoor ceremony).

You can be as creative as you want with this ritual. Here are some ideas:

  • Stones—you may use decorative stones, rose quartz stones, which symbolize love, or other pebbles from a special place.
  • Container for water—you will need a Blessing Bowl (any decorative basin, bowl, or bucket will work), or a table top fountain, or a Wishing Well (as large and elaborate or as small and simple as you wish).
  • Love Notes—buy decorative, ready-made note cards from a stationery or craft store and print your opening blessing phrase on them, or, for an even more personal touch, design and print your own note cards at home on your computer. Remember to begin your blessing phrase with: `My wish for you is…” or `May you be blessed with…” or `May God bless you with…”

Wedding Planning 101

“If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll end up someplace else.” – Yogi Berra

Planning a wedding isn’t rocket science, but it definitely requires thought, patience and, probably most importantly, a sense of humor! Wedding planning can be a lot of fun. It can also be a real challenge, and like all challenges, it can be stressful. You should assume in advance that parts of the day just won’t go as you’d like them to, and plan for every eventuality you can think of. The key is to stay organized, stay within your budget, and allow plenty of time to get it all together.

First of all, you should decide on what type of wedding you want to have. This will depend on how much you want to spend, how many guests you want to invite, where and when your ceremony and reception take place, and how much formality you want your wedding to express.

A Formal wedding usually conforms to strict traditional rites both of the church and of secular society. Generally, a formal wedding is larger both in size of wedding party and number of guests , and features more elaborate decorations, attire, invitations, and reception arrangements, than a semi-formal or informal wedding. Formal weddings generally take place in a church or dedicated wedding venue.

Semi-formal weddings usually also stay with tradition (more or less), but everything is slightly less elaborate and more flexible than a formal wedding. Semi-formal weddings often happen at a private residence or at a senior or community center.

An Informal wedding often includes a simple ceremony where you let your imagination go to work. Informal weddings normally have a smaller wedding party and fewer guests than formal or semi-formal weddings.

You should start making appointments to meet with potential vendors (including Wedding Officiant) as soon as possible after you set the wedding date and confirm the venue. You choices should have long experience working at weddings – lots of great photographers turn out to be disappointing as wedding photographers – and they should be able to answer any questions you may have concerning the style, length and content of your ceremony. They can often guide you in the selection of music, wedding customs and rituals, special vows or other non-traditional elements you would like to include in your wedding ceremony. They may also be familiar with the venue and provide insights into the best ways to decorate, where to place flower arrangements, etc.

You may decide to have your wedding ceremony in a hotel, private residence or activities club. Keep in mind that many of the items you will need probably won’t be supplied, so you will have to buy or rent them. Always check with the venue to see which items they’re willing to make available.

A home wedding can be formal or informal. Be realistic about the number of guests that your home can comfortably accommodate. Don’t move all the furniture out just to make more room or you will lose the “homey” atmosphere you were probably looking for in the first place.

If you plan an outdoor ceremony, keep in mind that the weather may not always cooperate and have an alternate location readily available. This is especially critical in Washington state weddings, where a beautiful morning can segue into a rainy afternoon with virtually no advance warning. If you’ll be getting married in a public place, such as a park or arboretum, be sure to pick a quiet spot without much auto or foot traffic or ambient noise (such as landing planes passing overhead constantly because you’re smack in the middle of the airport’s approach path!). Other things to consider: how accessible is the site; what facilities exist for guest parking and seating; and again, what equipment is available.

Work or school schedules, convenience for families, and your honeymoon plans should all be considered when you’re finalizing the date and time of your wedding. Saturday is traditionally the most popular day for weddings. Any day will work if schedules permit, but there are some good reasons to get married during the week (Mon-Thurs). More venues are usually available and vendor fees tend to be lower for weeknight weddings.

The only way to be sure all goes well is to rehearse the ceremony, but it’s not always necessary to schedule a separate day/evening for rehearsal. For small wedding parties, rehearsal an hour or so before the wedding usually works fine (and saves money). It is helpful to include the processional and recessional music if you want the pace of their steps to be timed. The ushers should also be briefed on their duties. Everyone should become familiar with the venue: where will the ceremony will be held, exits in case of emergency, rest rooms and dressing rooms for men and women.

If you do decide a separate rehearsal is necessary (for your peace of mind and to get everyone in the wedding party familiar with their function), try to schedule it for the evening before the ceremony. Allow at least an hour, and make it fun. This allows you to relax and be assured that everyone knows their job for the big day.

A rehearsal dinner often follows, and this is traditionally paid for by the groom or his family. Try to schedule it to start and end early in the evening if possible. You should be cheerful and alert on your wedding day – you don’t want to miss anything!

The Worst Wedding Ideas…Ever!

“Nothing surpasses the beauty and elegance of a bad idea.” – Craig Bruce

Planning a wedding is always a challenge, but it’s up to you to keep it together during the process. If you find yourself seriously considering any of these ideas…stand down, take a deep breath and have a latté. Don’t let your wedding turn into a cautionary tale.

1. Pyrotechnics: Pyrotechnics at a wedding are the opposite of good taste. You’re planning a wedding, not an Aerosmith concert. Lining the buffet table with road flares might improve your wedding photos…but they’re way too close to those Sterno cans keeping food warm. It’s all fun and games until someone’s hair catches fire at the roast beef carving station. A saner alternative: sparklers…outside!

2. Using an iPod playlist to DJ: Technology has come a long way since the days when DJ’s hauled crates of vinyl records to gigs, but that doesn’t mean you can, or should, DJ your own wedding from an iPod…or let a well-meaning friend do it, either. Whether you choose a band, a string quartet or a DJ, leave the music to a pros. The new world of high-tech music production is an art form best left to someone with years of experience under their belt.

3. Cash bar: It doesn’t matter how small your budget is. It doesn’t matter if the groom’s whole family is in AA. When people go to a wedding, they expect an open bar. This doesn’t mean you have to hand out personal tequila shots on the dance floor, but you should offer a reasonable array of hard liquor, as well as wine and beer. There’s a 90% chance your guests will not bring cash to a wedding, which means drink coupons and a cash bar are not an option. Even if you have to walk down the aisle in a white trash bag while the local glee club sings “Here Comes The Bride,” free liquor is non-negotiable.

4. Serenading your groom: You’ve probably seen the video of the bride who sang to her groom as she walked down the aisle. The thing is, that bride was a singer with significant talent. Unfortunately, she was also the rare exception to the rule. Unless you’re a professional singer used to performing in front of large audiences, singing to your spouse-to-be should be off limits. No matter how much you practice, the odds are it won’t come off the way you would like it to. All eyes should be on you because you look wonderful and the event is beautiful, and not because you mangle high C. Save the singing for when you and your spouse are sharing the shower.

5. Getting married on a beach during high tide: At least have the common sense to read the tide tables and know just how much beach you’re going to lose during the ceremony!

6. Taking photos on the dock: History (and YouTube) has demonstrated this is never a good idea. If anyone ends up in the water, your wedding could end up going down with them.

7. Not wearing underwear: Where do we start? Well, consider just one possible scenario: you trip while walking down the aisle and land legs-up with your wedding dress around your head. Is this really a view you want your guests to remember? And that goes for kilts, too, gentlemen…even if Christopher Lambert did look cool in “The Highlander.”

8. Letting your spouse carry you (or carrying your spouse): This is especially true in bad weather (and in case you haven’t noticed, it does tend to rain occasionally in Washington). They will drop you, no matter how much, or how often they work out. It’s a law of nature.

9. Having a hugely pregnant woman in your bridal party: We’ve all seen the photos: a beautiful bride flanked by her nearest and dearest wedding party. Among them, usually on the end, is the woman who is eight-and-a-half months pregnant and may end up giving birth while you and your spouse are cutting the cake. Talk about a thunder-stealer! Truth be told, most pregnant women don’t want to be in anyone’s wedding, not even your very best friend from grade school. They’ll nod and smile and tell you it’s an honor, but deep down they’re cursing the day they met you.

No matter when she’s due, your pregnant friend just wants to sit in the shade, hydrate and wait for the appetizers. She does not want to spend $200 on a dress that couldn’t possibly look good on her. She does not want to wear heels. She does not want to watch you and the rest of your bridal party knock back shots at the bar while she sips club soda. Give her a break. Pick someone else. Or, if you’re determined to have her participate in the wedding and she’s okay with that, just give her a short reading, after which she can sit back down.

And possibly, the very worst of the worst:

10. For a nominal fee (about $1000), you and your fiancé can re-enact a scene from a movie musical to be shown (or filmed) at your wedding. The current favorite is a montage, set to Lou Reed’s “Perfect Day” (presumably not meant to evoke the song’s role in “Trainspotting”). Be honest. Who would want to watch something like this? And, more important, how many fiancés will say, “Yes, dear,” to such a horrible idea? Sadly, the answer seems to be quite a few. Local wedding videographers are doing a brisk business. One couple (and this may be apocryphal) even cut the ceremony short to allow enough time for filming on their big day! I wonder who ends up with the DVD if the marriage tanks.

With so many tried-and-true wedding ideas that really work, have worked for generations, and really enhance the event for everyone, it pays to avoid gimmicks like those above. The odds are they’ll go wrong, and while that may make for a successful YouTube video…is this really the memory you want your guests to take away?

Why Uncle Charlie Should Not Officiate Your Wedding!

Reprinted with kind permission of Judith Johnson: Author, Speaker, Life Coach and Interfaith Minister

“If you think a professional is expensive, wait ’til you try an amateur.” ― Paul “Red” Adair

There is a popular trend these days to have a friend or family member go online to receive an ordination certificate in a matter of minutes so they can “legally” officiate at your wedding. While on the surface this might sound like a fun idea, a look below the surface reveals some really good reasons why this is NOT a good idea. As an interfaith minister who has been officiating at weddings for over twenty years now and as author of the bestselling book on wedding ceremony design, here are Judith’s three really good reasons why you should hire a seasoned professional to officiate at your ceremony.

Some states do not recognize some online ordination credentials. The last thing you want to find out after your wedding is that you are not legally married. So, tread with caution. It is the state where your ceremony takes place, not the state where you live that has jurisdiction. Just as state laws about who can get married are changing, so are the laws regarding who can officiate at weddings. Not all online ordinations are equally acceptable, so be very specific in researching what sites are and are not acceptable in your state. Keep yourself informed about any changes that occur in these laws during the course of your wedding preparations.

There are a thousand little details that add up to a great ceremony. Which ones are you willing to have overlooked? Why put someone you love in the position of being responsible for something they know nothing about? Why not let your friend or family member enjoy being a guest at your wedding instead of bearing the burden of doing something so important that they know nothing about? Unless your friend or family member happens to already be a member of the clergy, why put this responsibility on them? Most couples and the friends and/or family member they choose to officiate are clueless about what goes into designing a ceremony, running a wedding rehearsal, or officiating at the ceremony. Think about it – would you hire a band for your reception that had never played together before? Would you want your wedding to be their first gig?

There are better, safer options. A seasoned officiant knows the in’s and out’s of advising you on the logistics of your rehearsal and ceremony as well as the design of the text and the ritual itself. They can be a wealth of information and ideas to help you create the ceremony that is perfect for you. They know what works, and what doesn’t.

If you are worried about not belonging to a religious community, not wanting a stranger to officiate at your ceremony, or wanting to have control over what is said at your ceremony – no problem. There are three fabulous resources for finding the right officiant.

The first is to ask your wedding vendors. Typically, your first wedding decision is going to be your wedding date and location. Ask the wedding coordinator at your venue to share their impressions of the officiants on their preferred vendor list and to recommend the ones they think are a good match for you. Call these recommended officiants and/or make appointments to meet. Trust your instincts about who you are comfortable with, how resourceful and flexible they seem to be, and how they react to your story and wishes for your ceremony.

The second resource is to ask around among your friends. Ask your married friends who they had officiate at their ceremony? Were they pleased or not? Why? Ask friends and family if they attended any weddings where the officiant did a really good job.

Third, use regional wedding websites and major wedding websites that have regional vendor listings. Read the listings and reviews on officiants there. One of the most popular sites is http://www.weddingwire.com.

Your wedding ceremony is what your wedding day is all about. Give it the respect and attention it deserves as an expression of what crossing this threshold together really means to you. The person who officiates at your ceremony will have a lot of influence on what will hopefully become a beautiful memory for you. So, be thoughtful and careful in selecting the officiant who is right for you. Be as honest as possible about who you are and who you aren’t. If someone rejects you because they don’t share your beliefs, be glad you didn’t hire them! Just keep looking for the right match. Find someone who is happy for you, is on your wavelength, and gives you confidence that they will help you create a wedding ceremony that exceeds your biggest dreams. You deserve that!

Don’t Break the Bank! Tips to Save Money and Still Have a Perfect Wedding!

Have you ever wondered why people are willing to spend $10,000, 20,000 or even 30,000 (or more) on their wedding? As Seattle Wedding Officiants, we at Forever, Together are constantly asking ourselves the same question. When does the focus shift from the marriage (where it belongs), to the wedding? When is a wedding more about parents shelling out a fortune on glitz and glamour, then about two young people in love making a lifetime commitment? More to the point: does a $20,000 venue really offer anything different than a $2000 venue…other than status?

These are decisions more and more young couples are facing, as the price of wedding venues and vendors are on the increase, especially when their parents are footing the bill. It may be true that “no one is more important than daddy’s little girl,” but sometimes it seems that the only people who are not consulted on wedding decisions are the couple, themselves.

Forever, Together would like to make the decision to “do it yourself” a bit easier by listing some of the many creative and stylish money-saving wedding ideas we’ve come across during our six years of providing affordable Seattle weddings. Be honest: wouldn’t you really rather spend an extra weekend in Puerto Vallarta?

  1. Have a smaller wedding with fewer guests. Okay, we know this is a tough one. Who gets invited and who gets left out? It’s a tough choice, but by being selected, you can significantly lower your total wedding cost. The fewer guests, the fewer invitations, the fewer tables, the less food and beverage consumption…and the more personal the interaction. In our experience, smaller weddings are more relaxed, more intimate and a lot more fun for everyone. These days, the average guest list is over 150, but friends and family who attend big weddings complain that they often feel more like “benchwarmers,” invited just to fill out roster! Is this really the feeling you want them to take away from your wedding?
  2. Make your own invitations, or stay simple by using a single sheet of paper. Don’t waste money on engraving if you’re on a budget. Invitations can be done for much less and still send the same intimate and beautiful message to recipients. If you’d like to take a crack at designing your own, visit http://www.vistaprint.com.
  3. Avoid the high season. Venues and vendors can be scarce and prices on everything are higher. Washington state has three other seasons, and they’re lovely. Spring brings a freshness infused with new hope and optimism. Autumn carries with it the beauty of seasonal transition, the chill in the air that speaks of Winter’s approach. Winter in Washington comes with cool, crisp days and sharp, clear nights. Venues and vendors are easier to book and typically offer lower prices during the off-season. Choosing to get married during the off-season will definitely save you big bucks and a lot of unnecessary hassles.
  4. Consider sparkling wine instead of champagne. It’s an open secret that most people hate champagne, and only drink it out of obligation at social gatherings and celebrations. Buy a couple of different varieties and you may discover that there are other bubbly drinks that actually taste great, for a fraction of the cost of Dom Perignon!
  5. Simplify the Reception menu. If strawberries are in season, have a get-together with friends the night before and dip strawberries in chocolate. For $30, you can make enough for at least 50 guests. And what about filled chocolates? Shop for chocolate early and you’ll find some amazing prices on the good stuff, which you can offer with coffee at the reception. This also allows you to save the wedding cake for the dessert!
  6. Buy flowers in season. In Washington, beautiful flowers bloom year round . You should always be able to find something that fits with your color scheme. Choose the less expensive blooms in your color scheme and keep the selection down to a couple of different varieties.
  7. How about making your own table decorations? It’s not as tough as you may think. Check out YouTube or your local library to develop or perfect your skills for simple flower arrangements and other low-cost decorations. Big and tall centerpieces detract from the social interaction by blocking the view across the table and making eye contact between guests problematic, if not impossible.
  8. Have the wedding and the reception at the same place.This makes it much easier, and less expensive, to transport you, your guests, decorations, etc., and will cut down your decorating costs as a whole.
  9. Use fewer, larger tables. This allows fewer table decorations, utensils, table cloths, etc.
  10. Think ahead! Shoe for decorations after Christmas. You’ll find the candles, lights and decorations you want available during the holiday months, and usually for a lot less money.
  11. Be smart when you shop for wedding favors, especially if you have a large guest list. Go for something inexpensive or homemade: chocolate-chip cookies, sugar-coated almonds, See’s chocolates (instead of Godiva)!
  12. One favor per person (or even per couple)!
  13. Buy fewer flowers. Lanterns and candles are very popular and are wonderful for creating atmosphere. You can find them for amazingly low prices, and especially at the end of summer. Garden torches are also great alternatives to expensive floral decorations, especially at the end of the high season, when they’re on sale dirt cheap!
  14. Are you a “desktop publishing” wizard? Then why not make your own menu cards? The Internet is loaded with great ideas on design, content and layout, the materials don’t have to cost an arm and a leg, and it’s fun!
  15. Simplify your food choices. Stick to seasonal purchases and look for inexpensive alternatives. How about aperitifs and snacks instead of a sit-down dinner? Or, if your guests have come long distances to attend and you feel like you should spoil the a bit, save money on the starters: fresh, locally smoked salmon, arranged on a bed of salad for each guest. For those guests who don’t eat animal products, how about quiche, or a salad bar? Good food doesn’t have to break the bank.
  16. Order a simple wedding cake and decorate it with real flowers. Costco makes great wedding cakes for a fraction of what you’ll pay a “dedicated” baker. Skip the tiered cake and serve a large sheet cake instead. You can poll your guests ahead of time and provide the majority favorite. Or forget the guests. Buy the cake you had the on your first date!
  17. Use candles on the cake table instead of flowers, or reuse the flowers from the reception.
  18. Brides, go dress-shopping early! This is a great way to save money, especially if you are planning a wedding during the off season. You can save thousands of dollars on a dress by waiting until they go on sale after the high wedding season ends.
  19. Don’t spend a fortune on shoes, especially if you’ll be wearing a long, wide dress – no one will be able to see them, anyway.
  20. Select a round wedding bouquet instead of a long, falling one. Traditionally, the groom chooses (and presents) you your wedding bouquet, but if both of you are sharing the finances, you can agree on the shape and size of the bouquet and save money.
  21. Prune your Bridal Party to a manageable size, and cut down the number of related expenses. Don’t risk losing friends, but be sensible when you consider how many groomsmen and bridesmaids you really need.
  22. Book your vendors early! This may be your biggest money-saver. Contrary to what many couples seem to think, we aren’t all just sitting by our phones all day, waiting for you to call :-). Many vendors raise prices at the beginning of the high season. If you start signing them up between November and March, you’re certain to come out way ahead.

Remember: this is your day. Do it the way you want, invite whomever you choose, do the planning and decorating yourselves, keep on top of your expenses and don’t be afraid to break from tradition. There’s no reason you can’t have an awesome wedding without having to take out a second mortgage!

Brides get tough about social media at their wedding

by Adrienne Mand Lewin
With thanks to TODAY Style

“Nothing is more dangerous than a friend without discretion; even a prudent enemy is preferable.” – Jean de La Fontaine

Weddings might be traditional, but the way they’re celebrated these days might be anything but.

Wedding Paper Divas conducted an online survey in April among adults who had attended at least one wedding in the past year and found that four in 10 said social media was encouraged and specific hashtags were provided to guests to add their contributions. In addition, seven in 10 Twitter users report tweeting about a wedding while in attendance, and half of Twitter users say they’ve used the service to post wedding-related photos.

On the other hand, one-third of wedding guests report being asked not to use a mobile or other electronic device during the ceremony, the survey found. And despite all of the sharing, 65 percent agreed that it is important to ask the couple’s permission before posting wedding photos online, and that the couple should be the first to share the photos.

That advice comes a little too late for a bride in New York, whose engagement news was broken on Facebook — just not by her. A friend posted a cryptic message about good news, which was quickly commented on by others who already knew.

Since she and her fiancé were still trying to connect with friends and family by phone to let them know, she asked her friend to take down the post. But a few days later, the friend tagged her with a message announcing the couple’s engagement and the cat was out of the bag to some people they hadn’t reached yet.

“I know it was out of excitement and I know that it was out of love,” she said, “but it wasn’t her news to share.”

On her wedding day, she doesn’t plan to outright ban electronic devices, but added: “I can’t imagine anyone would want to tweet my wedding. I hope that people are dancing and having a good time and not worrying about their phones.”

Another bride in Pennsylvania, who plans to marry later this month, said she is fine with friends sharing photos later in the day but not before the ceremony. “It’s changed so much,” she said. “Nobody ever had to worry about this stuff. I mean, technology is good, but in this sense we still want to keep some things traditional.”

And finally, one bride in New Jersey said her June wedding will occur completely offline. “I’m a pretty private person,” she said. “I never really thought that the people that are affiliated with me would really do something like that.”

She added that while there is “no malice whatsoever,” unsanctioned posts and photos can take away some of the day’s surprises and offend those not invited. “I think it’s in poor taste.”

Amber Harrison, etiquette expert at Wedding Paper Divas, has dealt with a few frustrated clients, including a groom who saw the bride’s dress before the ceremony, thanks to an overzealous bridesmaid who snapped a photo and posted it on Facebook. “Those moments are exactly what I feel it’s my job to try to be aware of before they happen so that they can be avoided,” Harrison said.

Harrison added that it is important for couples and their guests to remember that “this hopefully is a once-in-a-lifetime occasion that we should all commemorate. But it’s a very big day, and it’s something we should just give the respect that it deserves and be present in the moment and be there for that couple in whatever they have chosen.

“There’s very little judgment here,” she said. “Let’s just start communicating the wishes.”

Indoors or Outdoors? A case for both.

“Happy marriages begin when we marry the ones we love, and they blossom when we love the ones we marry” – Tom Mullen

As Seattle wedding ministers, we at Forever, Together are often asked by brides whether they’re better off having their wedding indoors or outdoors. Surprisingly, after performing over 450 Seattle weddings, we find ourselves recommending both. Each option has risks, each has an up side, but in choosing your Seattle wedding venue, you should always keep in mind that, no matter where you hold your Seattle wedding, at the end you will be married!

Some little girls dream of the day they’ll get married. They plan what their wedding dress will look like. They know exactly who will be in their wedding. They ask their friends to be bridesmaids. They pick the flowers and the color schemes, and then they grow up and they get married exactly how they pictured. Other little girls don’t know what they want. They grow up to marry a handsome man that proposes. And then they realize they have a lot of planning to do for their Seattle wedding. For these women it’s tough to decide on a lot of things. One of those tough decisions is whether or not to hold the wedding at an indoor or outdoor Seattle wedding venue.

For the little girls that grew up not knowing where or how they wanted to get married, we’ve put together a blog that will talk you through some of the decision making involved in choosing between an indoor and outdoor Seattle wedding venue. There are pro’s and con’s to choosing either option, and really it comes down to risk tolerance and personal preference.

The Benefits of Using an Indoor Seattle Wedding Venue:

Holding your wedding at an indoor Seattle wedding venue ensures that you are comfortable. You have heat and/or air conditioning, an even floor and comfortable seating for all of your guests. You’re protected from inclement weather and you have easy access to rooms dedicated to the bridal party for freshening up. High heels won’t dig into the dirt or the sand, and guests won’t sweat or get rained on. Plus, there are no bugs or other unwelcome visitors to worry about. Allergies won’t be an issue, neither would sunscreen or bug repellant. Lighting would be consiten and even so your Seattle wedding photographer won’t have to keep adjusting lenses based on available light, or race the clock so as not to lose precious sunlight. This is a safe bet, and if you don’t want the stress of risking everything there is to battle with the elements then having your wedding at an indoor Seattle wedding venue is ideal.

The Benefits of Using an Outdoor Seattle Wedding Venue:

Being outdoors is extremely refreshing for some people. The sun, the trees, the grass…it helps everyone remember what really matters in life. Being that close to nature can be very relaxing and surreal. Holding a wedding at an outdoor wedding venue in the Seattle area means that you’ll have natural lighting, sounds, and smells of the earth. The sun is relaxing, and old trees, colorful flowers, and beautiful grass all add to the feel of calmness and serenity that can really help a wedding feel relaxed. If you love the outdoors or if you’re looking for a casual feel or if you just want the sunlight to be a part of your wedding day then choosing an outdoor Seattle wedding venue is for you.

The Best of Both Worlds:

Instead of having to choose between indoor and outdoor Seattle wedding venues, you could choose a venue that has both options. Some of the most popular venues in the Seattle area offer this option, including the Blue Ribbon Cooking School on Fairview, Pickering Barn in Issaquah, and The Golf Club at Newcastle. These popular Seattle wedding locations have spaces for both indoor and outdoor weddings, which means that you have a backup plan just in case it rains or you change your mind about an outdoor wedding. They offer a perfect mix of outdoor beauty and indoor elegance.

Handfasting – An Ancient Wedding Tradition

Perhaps you have wondered where the phrase, “tying the knot,” come from? The expression refers to the traditional early Celtic marriage ritual of Handfasting.

“Handfasting,” the ancient word for a wedding, was traditionally recognized as a binding contract of marriage between a man and a woman before weddings became a legal function of the government or a papal responsibility of the church. After the wedding vows and ring exchange, the couple’s hands were bound together with a cord that was tied in a “love knot,” signifying the joining of their lives in a sacred union.

Today, handfasting is a symbolic ceremony to honor a couple’s desire for commitment to each other, and to acknowledge that their lives and their destinies are now bound together. During the Handfasting ceremony, the couple’s hands are tied together with one or several colored cords or ribbons, symbolizing the desire of the couple to be united. The cord is often kept by the couple in a box or ornate bag as a reminder of their vows. Handfastings, done in the past as a commitment for a year and a day, can be combined with ring vows and a license to make it a legally binding contract.

Each of the cord colors has its own special symbolic meaning. The cords can either be several colors twisted into one cord and used for a single cord ceremony, or each color can be draped individually up to six cords. Each cord should be at least 48″ (4 ft.) long, so the ends can all be tied together. For more than two or three colors, ribbon usually works better than cord or rope.

Here are some of the meanings attached to the colors:

  • Red: Will, love, strength, fertility, courage, health, vigor, passion.
  • Orange: Encouragement, adaptability, stimulation, attraction, plenty, kindness.
  • Yellow: Attraction, charm, confidence, balance, harmony.
  • Green: Fertility, luck, prosperity, nurturing, beauty, health, love.
  • Blue: Safe journey, longevity, strength.
  • Purple: Healing, health, strength, power, progress.
  • Black: Strength, empowerment, wisdom/vision, success, pure love.
  • White: Spiritual purity, truth, peace, serenity and devotion.
  • Gray: Balance, neutrality, used in erasing, canceling, neutralizing, and return to the universe without repercussion.
  • Pink: Love, unity, honor, truth, romance, happiness.
  • Brown: Healing , skills and talent, nurturing, home and hearth, the earth.
  • Silver: Creativity, inspiration and vision, and protection.
  • Gold: Unity, longevity, prosperity, strength.

In centuries gone by, handfasting was a popular custom in the British Isles. In rural areas, it could be weeks or even months before a clergyman happened to stop by your village, so couples learned to make Handfasting, an Ancient Wedding Tradition.allowances. A handfasting was the equivalent of today’s common-law marriage — a man and woman simply clasped hands and declared themselves married. Generally this was done in the presence of a witness or witnesses. In Scotland, marriages were considered the office of the church until 1560, when marriage became a civil matter rather than a church sacrament. After that time, marriages were divided into “regular” and “irregular” marriages.

At one time, betrothal — the solemn exchange of vows of intention to marry — was as important a step as marriage itself. Some of the ceremony once common in betrothal — such as exchanging rings or a formal kiss — later became part of the marriage service as that progressively became more important.

We don’t know a lot about the rules in Anglo-Saxon England before the Norman Conquest, but the betrothal ceremony seems to have been marked by the happy couple joining hands. It seems that in Northern England and Scotland, handfasting marked a first stage of marriage, a temporary contract that lasted a year and a day. If at the end of that time no child had been born and the couple didn’t want to continue, the betrothal lapsed.

The ceremony’s name has become known again in recent decades because it has been adopted by modern Pagans such as Wiccans. The culmination of the modern ceremony often takes the form of a couple jumping together over a broom, another borrowing from ancient custom. For today’s Pagans, however, the ceremony is marriage, not betrothal. Some even have a complementary divorce rite called handparting!

Including Children in your Wedding Ceremony

“Accept the children the way we accept trees—with gratitude, because they are a blessing—but do not have expectations or desires. You don’t expect trees to change, you love them as they are.” ― Isabel Allende

We at Forever, Together, Seattle Wedding Officiants always welcome children in our ceremonies, and the more, the merrier!

Whether you have children from a previous relationship, or have other young family members, you might consider making these kids a part of your wedding ceremony. There are many meaningful ways for a child to be included, but since kids can be unpredictable, you’ll want to make sure they are playing an appropriate part for their age, and that you’ve done everything you can to make them comfortable.

Roles in the Wedding for Older Children

  • Junior Bridesmaid/Groomsman – They will wear an outfit similar to the other members of the bridal party, and fulfill many of the same roles as they do (they need not attend bachelor/bachelorette parties or showers :-)
  • Reader – They will read a passage about marriage or love during the ceremony.
  • Escorting the Bride – There’s no reason why your child can’t be the one to walk you down the aisle.
  • Serving as an Usher – They will help guests to their seats, pass out programs, and do everything the other ushers do.

Roles in the Wedding for Younger Children:

  • Flower girl – A flower girl is usually a young girl between the ages of 4 and 8 who has a special connection to the bride and groom. Perhaps she is a niece or cousin, or a family friend. She follows behind the bridesmaids (sometimes before and sometimes after the maid of honor) with a basket of flowers, scattering them down the aisle.
  • Ring bearer – A ring bearer is usually a young boy between the ages of 4 and 8 who has a special connection to the bride and groom. He may be related to them, or just be a family friend. He walks down the aisle immediately after the flower girl, or last bridesmaid, with the wedding rings tied to a small pillow.
  • Bouquet holder – Hold’s the bride’s bouquet during the ceremony (expect it to get a little squashed!)

Making Children Comfortable During the Wedding Ceremony

Children might not do everything you think they will during the ceremony, but whatever they do will probably be cute and entertaining. A favorite story concerns a little boy walking up the aisle with the rings. Every few steps, he turns around, makes a ferocious face and growls at the audience. The crowd laughs, of course, but no one really understands why he’s doing this. Later, his dad asked him what was going on, he answered with all seriousness, “I was the ring bear!”

Here are some things you can do to make them more comfortable:

  • Assign them a helper, ideally another member of the wedding party who can keep an eye on them, hang out with them before the ceremony, and take them outside if they start to cry.
  • Bring a change of clothes for the wedding reception. This way they can eat, run around and play with crayons or other toys, without fear of ruining their nice clothes.
  • Practice walking down the aisle, until they are comfortable with it. Show them exactly where their parents will be sitting. Consider buying them a book that talks about being a flower girl or ring bearer.
  • For a child whose parent is getting married, include them in the ceremony. This may mean asking your Wedding Officiant to mention their names several times, it may mean doing a Family Medallion, Unity Candle or Blending of the Sands ritual that makes them feel like an important part of your new family. You can also include the children in your vows to each other. Having a part to play in the wedding ceremony often makes a child feel less anxious about the marriage.
  • Whatever happens, be patient. Children may get suddenly shy or uncomfortable with what’s going on.

In the end, the best advice is to let them do as much (or as little) as they are comfortable doing.

Wedding Worst Cases…and How to Handle Them!

“Anything you build on a large scale or with intense passion invites chaos.” – Francis Ford Coppola
Okay, before you read any further, bear in mind that each “nightmare scenario” on this list is worst-case. I’ve included pretty much every catastrophe, major and minor, that could occur at your wedding, but based on over six years’ experience as a Seattle wedding officiant, I’ll add that most likely, everything will go just fine. If they don’t, then your wedding will just be more memorable for the mishaps!

If one (or more) of these nasties does find its way to your wedding, the best advice is to soldier on! Remember: nobody will know that the Groom wore a borrowed tie or the dessert served by the catering company wasn’t the one you ordered, unless they hear it from you! If anyone asks, act as if it was supposed to happen!

  • Say what?:
    Occasionally, invitations are printed with the wrong names, dates or other miscellaneous items gone awry. This is compounded if the wedding announcer, or (gasp!) even the wedding Officiant, reads out the wrong name.
  • “Wedding” Time:
    You want your guests to remember your wedding for how beautiful it was, not for how late it started! Sometimes, this happens because a particular person (like the maid of honor or best man) or item (like the cake) is either AWOL, or stuck in traffic.
  • Fashion Faux Pas: This is the most frequent wedding day mishap. Some examples: the dress is delivered late, has fitting issues, tears at the seams while putting it on, gets stained, has a bad zipper or someone steps on it.
  • The Other Shoe: There are pretty much only three things that can go wrong with shoes: they’re misplaced, they don’t fit or they’re damaged.
  • Faint Praise: With all the wedding excitement (and stress), it is not unusual for a stressed-out bride to start feeling light-headed, get a killer headache, go on a crying jag, panic or get cranky. Other bride-related boo-boos include a breakout the night before the wedding, swollen eyes or a beauty treatment or medicine that suddenly turns against you.
  • Makeup:
    Your wedding day is one day when you want to look your best. Unfortunately, things can go wrong when the makeup artist is late, never shows up, makes a mess of your hair or makeup, or you have a makeup melt down from rain, sun or emotional overheating.
  • Decorations:
    Almost all weddings run into issues with the decorations: flower arrangements are wrong, lighting is lousy, linens are wrong for the theme, items are missing or damaged (e.g., runners, centerpieces, etc.). The list goes on and on.
  • Play it again, Sam:
    There are lots of wrong turns the music can take: the DJ doesn’t show up (we have actually seen this one happen ourselves), is inexperienced, obstinate, or unwilling to respect your wishes; the music is inappropriate or poorly selected.
  • Food, Glorious Food:
    Sometimes, despite your best efforts to give your guests the culinary experience of a lifetime, you can still end up with culinary disaster: dishes you never requested and don’t want, poorly prepared or low-quality food.
  • Let ‘Em Eat Cake:
    Virtually anything can go wrong with the wedding cake: it falls, tilts, melts, gets dropped or smooshed by some hapless guest or vendor.
  • Drunks, Show-offs and Blowhards:
    Anyone who’s seen “The Wedding Crashers,” knows that almost every wedding (except the ones that use bouncers), is “graced” with uninvited guests or guests who never replied to the RSVP. Sometimes, unruly or otherwise belligerent guests who bother others or try to steal your thunder (or the spotlight). Occasionally, you may even have to deal with inebriated guests who present a danger to themselves (or everyone else).
  • Rain, Rain, Go Away:
    Sometimes, your plans run into weather problems, and there’s not much you can do about it. Unexpected showers, severe heat, even strong winds have wreaked havoc with more than a few outdoor weddings.
  • Throw the Book at ‘Em:
    Sometimes, you find out your vendor or venue has you double-booked. Sometimes, your booking mysteriously disappears or gets cancelled. Sometimes, services promised by a vendor or venue turn out to be non-existent or unavailable. Transportation of food or decorations gets botched (usually due to a shortage or delay of transport vehicles).
  • It’s So Hard to find Good Help These Days:
    Friends you’ve enlisted to help with the preparations show up late, or not at all. Vendors who were so accommodating at the interview – DJs, musicians, caterers or even (dare I say it) Officiants – turn out to be inflexible, unprofessional or obstinate, renege on their contract, get lazy or sloppy.
  • Missing Wedding Rings: |
    Once in a blue moon, in the chaos that happens just before the wedding, you can lose track of the rings. This can happen regardless of whom your entrust with their safekeeping.

If mayhem does strike, you pretty much have two options. You can go ballistic – cry, scream, tear your hair or fume about it all the way through the day – or go with the flow, and do it with dignity, style and grace. Assuming you decide the second option is the better alternative, here are some ways to accomplish it:

  • Be prepared.Have your maid of honor or best friend (or both) carry an emergency kit just in case. This kit should include (but not be limited to) these ten essentials:
    1. Necessary medications (including anti-anxiety meds if you think you’ll need them)
    2. Safety pins
    3. Tape (regular and double-sided)
    4. Essential toiletries, hairspray, lotions, deodorant, etc.
    5. Breath mints (no kidding – for the kiss!)
    6. Makeup and eye drops
    7. Healthy snacks (e.g., PowerBars or fresh fruit)
    8. Tissue and/or hand towels
    9. Extra matching jewelry, lipstick and nail polish
    10. Stain remover wipes, mending kit, baby wipes and white chalk (for stains the wipes can’t remove).
  • Let someone you trust handle any unexpected disasters, so you’re free to be the center of attention and revel in your wedding celebration.
  • Make a schedule for everyone and, within reasonable limits, insist they stick to it.
  • Try to bring all the essential items ahead of time and store them in a safe place at the venue. It’s always better to be early than late!
  • Don’t allow anything that might stain anywhere you might be, and don’t eat or drink anything that might stain.
  • Allow only essential people in your dressing room: Crowd=Mess, and Mess=Mishaps.
  • Weatherproof your makeup and if, for some reason , it gets trashed , discreetly remove it with baby wipes (enlist your maid of honor or else you might end up making it worse).
  • Use eye drops to remove redness, and special eye to reduce swelling. Don’t use ice – it will dry your eyes and make them itch.
  • Ask the venue to arrange extra chairs for unexpected guests.
  • Try to ignore disruptive guests, but if they you can’t, ask someone to have a discreet chat with them or their companions.
  • Have slices of ‘secretly’ cut regular cream cake available if your wedding cake gets trashed, dropped or delivered late.
  • If your DJ is late, connect an iPod or MP3 player. Even better, if there is a decent singer among your guests, ask them if they’d be willing to sing without instruments while you arrange a new plan.
  • Have umbrellas available in case it rains. This is especially important if you live in western Washington, where the weather is unpredictable even in the middle of Summer.

If you’re like most people, your wedding day is something you’ve been planning for a long time. Emotionally, you have a lot invested in making it right, and while it’s perfectly okay to strive, and hope for the wedding of your dreams, you should never forget the real reason you’re there: you are marrying your best friend and true love. If things go south on you, try to stay calm and enjoy even the not-so-perfect experiences.

One thing you are sure to regret, more than the mishaps, missteps and minor catastrophes, is wasting precious time worrying about things you can’t change, instead of participating in the festivities…that are all about you! Never forget that weddings should be a celebration. Your only worry should be how to have as much fun as you can!